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The New Kind of Plant-Based

Hi guys! Writing to you on my LAST NIGHT IN BALI (how on the planet of earth did that go by so quickly?) and while I try to wrap my head around coming to a close of three solid weeks of solitude, healing treatments, BLISSFUL day long writing adventures with myself, waterfall hikes, new soul friends including my incredible and kind driver here and so many stray dogs and kitties that I feed every night outside of my hotel… I will share with you what I have wanted to share for a while in regards to food.

Then, inevitably on the 28-hour trek home tomorrow or in the days to follow, I will share more about all that I have learned on this solo journey with myself. I also have a nearly TWO HOUR solo podcast episode going up next Wednesday that I recorded here about my trip and I am very excited to share it. And if you’ve heard me say that I am going to be gone for *two months* and you’re thinking “wait, only three weeks have passed…” you are correct, and I am heading off to a healing center in Northern California after a few days home in LA with my loves in between. The healing journey continues!

Anyway, this topic today is very near and dear to my heart. And in some ways I have found it even harder to put into words than I did my original “Why I’m Transitioning Away from Veganism” blog post nearly four years ago. I have purposely not put it into words yet because I wanted and needed to experience this first and foremost for me… feel it out for ME, and also see and feel the lasting effects after eating this way for a while before I shared.

The topic is the NEW KIND OF PLANT-BASED and I will explain what that means at the bottom of this post.

Let’s just start at the beginning — and I will try to make this as short & sweet as possible because the truth is, I could (and want to…) write a book about this particular subject and my relationship to it! ONE DAY. One thing at a time…!

The Story //

So, last summer. I started seeing my dear friend Lo Roxburgh for alignment and body work. In our sessions we immediately went VERY DEEP into soul-guided conversation, and the synergy between us is to this day absolutely insane. Lo picked up very quickly on the inflammation I was experiencing in my body, and I just kept telling her: “I don’t feel like myself. My body is so inflamed. I feel it every day in my gut, my skin, my ENERGY FIELD, even my organs.”

A few months into working together she asked me when the last time I felt truly myself in my body was, without the inflammation and the pain and the insomnia and the gut issues and all the rest. And I said, “Well, I guess when I was vegan. Before the eating disorder of course and just when I was eating a balanced vegan diet.” And she said, “Well… what would you think about going vegan again?”

Her words planted the seed, and as much as I wanted to try it I was SCARED. Not only scared of what labeling my diet would mean for me after the healing journey I’ve gone through, but also scared of the Internet trolls who get off on abusing people’s dietary choices (very much including my own). I have worked long and hard to transition from veganism to non-veganism in the public eye, and switching back just gave me that feeling of, “oh god, people are going to think I am such a damn hypocrite.”

Of course those fears were wedged way deep inside of me and they only came up later on as I’ve done the inner work to figure out my resistance to this way of life. Fast forward to months later, when my reiki master and also very dear friend Kelsey Patel said to me in a similar heart-to-heart conversation, “Oh wow! I am getting the intuitive hit that you need to try going vegan again. How does that feel for you?”

Between Lo and Kelsey and their open and soul-guided and non-judgmental and non-biased words, I could have cried. I actually did cry. Just having the PERMISSION from two close friends of mine who also happen to be healers who also happen to be deeply immersed in the wellness world who ALSO happen to have about 10 years of life wisdom on me really, really, really hit home for me. I have always maintained and I still do that it’s never about what someone else thinks, or what someone else tells you. But from my particular position at that place in time I really NEEDED some “permission,” if you will, to be me. To REALLY listen to my own body and go with it.

So back in November, I did it. I started eating plant-based. I felt into it intuitively and it felt incredibly right. Physically, things were REALLY not feeling okay so trust me when I say it took a lot of immensely deep work to even get in touch with my intuition on a physical level.

When Jonathan and I came to Bali in December, I dabbled in eating other things for the sake of “FOOD FREEDOM” (I put it in quotes because someone with as many gut and health issues as I have had, mental food freedom can sometimes equate making yourself very physically ill) and felt like abbbbbsolute and complete shit. So then I really dedicated myself to the plant-based lifestyle, and I haven’t turned back since.

Plant-Based in Bali //

Many of you know that in the first few days of 2018, I got hit with a sudden and MASSIVE attack of full-body hives. Up until about a week ago I was still covered in a terrible eczema rash that was diagnosed from afar as everything from a cutaneous drug rash to Lyme disease. I am still sorting out what the exact “diagnosis” is, but I am not sure I even need one because I know now that it was nearly 100% stress-related and gut-related.

So I came on this solo trip to Bali to heal. The proximity of raw vegan cafes, healing centers, yoga studios, and wellness retreats to my hotel here in Ubud is absolutely nuts. Even Los Angeles has nowhere near this amount of easy, readily available, abundant, made-with-love, and CHEAP organic plant-based cuisine… and here it’s literally on every corner.

So for the last three weeks I have dedicated myself to eating 100% plant-based, and about 80% raw. For the first week or so I was completely raw but found myself craving cooked veggies and warming meals for dinner after a period of time and I am all about listening to my body above all else.

On top of the food I’ve been eating, I have been doing a lot of yoga, walking at LEAST 10,000 steps a day (usually closer to 20,000!), resting and sleeping a ton, doing colonics, drinking juices, eating an ABUNDANCE of fruits and fermented foods, and all of those things combined have lowered my stress levels immeasurably AND cleaned up my gut a considerable amount.

Letting go of my “fruit fear” that I developed from YEARS (yet again) of listening to other people’s ideologies and opinions about bodies that are not my own, has been the most freeing thing mentally and physically I have probably done in my entire adult life when it comes to food. I mean, my body was CRYING out for the nutrients and digestion-friendly properties of fresh, organic fruits. I didn’t eat fruit for THREE YEARS. (Or let’s say barely. Maybe a handful every so often.)

I have started mostly every day here with a smoothie bowl, FULL of fresh local fruits and topped with more fruit, superfoods, and raw granolas. I am telling you, and you know this if you’ve followed me over the years, I would not have touched a bowl full of so much natural sugar with a ten foot pole even just a year ago. But suddenly, eating intuitively and treating myself to what truly sounds and feels the best for me each day…. that is what I am gravitating toward. Just like I was five years ago when I was vegan PRE-eating disorder when I ate what I wanted in abundance and with love!

I have also been eating raw DESSERTS here in great abundance. I think it’s safe to say that with the exception of a few days here and there where I just wasn’t in the mood, I have had dessert every day here & at least once a day. I am all about the chocolate, as you know. So tons of raw cacao goodness! (If you come to Ubud, you have GOT to try Ubud Raw Chocolate. It’s actually insanity how good it is and full of sooooo many antioxidants and healthy fats.)

And honestly I am just telling you this because I love healthy desserts and listening to my body on that front has been so healing. If you’re not a dessert person, keep doing you. You don’t HAVE to eat dessert to feel free and intuitive with food… in fact many people may find themselves doing the opposite when they’re being truly intuitive. That is what is beautiful, we are all so freakishly different in our ways and that is what I love. THAT is what makes us healthy.

Tonight was my final dinner in Ubud (SAD in some ways even though I am ready to get home to my J & my Hud – like you have no idea, there are not even words) & I had a “Nourish Bowl” at one of my fave cafes here Sayuri Healing Food which is full of brown rice, adzuki beans, steamed veggies, spirulina crunchies, tahini dressing and a few other things… plus a side of raw bread, raw aged nut cheeses (TO DIE FOR), and a double chocolate raw pie for dessert.

I mean, can you say YUM? And abundant? And delicious? And decadent in the best ways and not at all restrictive or limited the way I once was in my previously restrictive vegan days?

So here’s what I’m trying to say //

I still believe in no labels. I believe in eating intuitively, and doing YOU and not listening to what anyone else has to say about what will make you feel the best or this or that. I still believe that we evolve and change over time, and I would be surprised if I didn’t change my eating habits again down the line as my life and journey continues to evolve.

For my own personal body right now, eating in this anti-inflammatory high fruit and high veggie way with lots of raw foods, juices, and also cooked veggies and gluten-free grains / legumes on the occasion has me feeling better than I’ve felt in four and a half years. Maybe five.

My medium MaryAnn (the most psychic person on this planet, no joke) did a healing on me last night over the phone and she said my gut is HEALING for the first time in years. She said it is going to continue to be a process, and the healing journey I am on is extremely slow and steady and that is my work at this time to trust in going slow and the true healing that is taking place… but the words “YOUR GUT IS HEALING & YOUR BODY IS SO HAPPY ABOUT IT” basically brought me to my knees.

After the parasites, the eczema, the hives, the autoimmune, the cystic acne, the eating disorder recovery, the food allergies, the chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety all stemming from my gut… those words held more sweet music to my ears than I think I could ever express to you in this lifetime.

I feel very, very, very good right now on this plant-based and highly raw diet. I am very aware that many people reading have seen me through my eating disorder and recovery days and I also know that many of you have been through your own recovery journeys. I very much hope that seeing me go through this process and find this complete & utter joy in this lifestyle again can inspire you from afar to do the same for YOUR life. It could look entirely different to you. It could be the opposite of plant-based or vegan. All I hope for you is that it makes you feel good, and passionate, and healthy, and awake, and alive.

(Quick side note: Even though I was eating vegan in LA for three months before I came back to Bali, I was still eating a lot of inflammatory foods. Nightshades, fried cauliflower at Erewhon (such an addiction), sauces that didn’t agree with me, more grains and legumes than I have been here… so this is the first time I have felt TRULY amazing with a longterm dedication to cutting out everything I knew intuitively was not working for me.)

What now? //

I am headed to a healing center in Nor Cal when I get back to the U.S. I made a commitment to myself this year that I would deal with my health issues once and for all, and take myself on a self-loving journey to heal and feel my absolute most radiant best again. I will share more details about it as time goes on — I will be doing something rather extreme and I wouldn’t recommend it to people who aren’t in my boat of *extreme* health issues and imbalances, so I will hold off on telling you more about it until THIS post has sunken in at least, haha.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and being here for this journey through the years. I hope and know in my heart of hearts that anyone who is MEANT to be here reading this will be, and I feel that my words at this point in time will attract people who are at the stage of their journey where they can take in what I am saying and feel confident about their own life choices as well whether they’re different from mine or similar.

One thing I want to share is that while going through this entire journey publicly on social media and in the news and all the rest was the best and the worst thing for my overall wellbeing. The best because I got more support than any girl could ever dream of or imagine, and I feel deeply lucky to be able to run into SO MANY girls and guys on the streets of Ubud of all places (and of course when I am back home — but here has been pretty remarkable so far from home) who know much of my life story and have been so incredibly kind. The worst because it is definitely very hard to have your choices and your opinions ripped to shreds on a daily basis, especially from very passionate people about one thing or another.

The truth is, once you reach the place of true FREEDOM and unconditional love for yourself and your body, you will understand what its like to make choices from a place of pure heart-centered intuition. And when you’re there, my choices and everyone’s choices won’t affect you negatively. I can promise you that.

I dreamt of that place for a long time, and now that I’m there… it feels amazing. So whether you agree with or me disagree, it’s not my place to say or to even care. Because we are all dealing with something and being on the Internet has taught me I will often be the target for someone else’s insecurities. And I continue to put myself and my truth out there because A) that is what makes me happy and makes me feel fulfilled and B) I care about you guys with all my heart and it never feels right to NOT tell you things! C) I want to help people as best I can, and I know no other way to do that than to be radically open and honest.

Also, I will probably write a whole post on this but I will briefly say: opening up spiritually, psychically, and intuitively has had a LOT to do with this shift. I finally understand what people have been saying all years about how eating pure, mostly raw, foods from the earth in many ways can open up your third eye and make you feel more one with the universe. That has definitely been my experience… cleaning it all up, inside and out.

So… I am saving the point of this post for the very last paragraph. I want to represent a NEW kind of plant-based lifestyle. One where you can be VEGAN and not judge other people who are not vegan. You are allowed to be vegan and still be open to changing your diet to include non-vegan foods in the future. You are allowed to be vegan without labeling yourself and without being militant about your own choices or others’ choices. THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO BE, even when it comes to being plant-based or vegan.

So right now I am trying that on. I am feelin’ like the NEW kind of plant-based is the way I want to be. I will keep you very updated on how it makes me feel, and I would be honored if you decided to join me in whichever way you’d like to! EVEN if that is by eating a totally different way. Join me in doing you, and being intuitive, and of course… incorporating plants because they’re so very good for you.

Thoughts?! Would absolutely love to hear them. And tomorrow I will be headed back stateside and I am very, very, very excited. And very ready. <3

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bali thus far.

Hiiii tribe! WHAT’S CRACKIN’?

Many of you know that I am in Bali, and that I came here on a solo trip to unwind from the pressures of daily life & embark on a healing journey for my body and soul.

That means I am 100% NOT WORKING, doing brand collabs, sponsored posts, writing articles for deadlines, any of that jazz and wowowoww I feel…. so good.

I realize it is a very massive luxury to be able to do this, and that is not lost on me. That is why I feel it in my bones so important to share this journey with you guys reading because it is very possible for you to manifest the same in your life. Years ago, I never could have done this. Walking away from steady freelance work would have felt like a sin!

This year when my health exploded I knew it was time, for the first time since starting my business five years ago and working myself to the bone 365 days a year ever since, time to do something for ME and try my best to let go of what that might mean for my business, my blog, and everything else.

And holy shit you guys, all I can say is… WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER?!

I have been here for about 11 days now and I will take you through the rough arc of my emotions and experiences since I’ve been here:

The Day I Left: VERY apprehensive, questioning my decision to go, devastated to leave J & Hudson, left my purse at Erewhon with my passport in it and realized it once I got to the airport, just barely made my flight (that had actually been cancelled by the airline the day before I was set to leave but that is a long-ass story in itself), covered from head to toe in raised bleeding itchy mountains of hives, slept like a baby thanks to Xanax for about 13 hours, seven hour layover in Sydney where my emotions started to turn around…

Arriving in Sydney: Once I got to Sydney for my long AF layover in which I planned to leave the airport and explore the city for a few hours, I learned that I could not because I didn’t have an Australian visa. Whoops. This whole situation ended up being a blessing in disguise because I staked out at the Sydney airport, guzzled juice and smoothies from an airport juice bar (#thankgodforitsexistence) like nobody’s business, and started to plan details of my trip I hadn’t even thought about before I left. Which is very me, by the way. Can’t plan something in full really until it’s HAPPENING!

At the Sydney airport, I… researched the sh*t out of Kambo, an ancient shamanic healing treatment in which frog venom is applied to little burns on your skin and leads you to purge everything from toxins to negative energy. I had heard amazing things about it, and I found a practitioner in Bali online, reached out to her (spoilers: she responded and I did the treatment over the weekend! That will have a full post in itself), and planned it. I also started bookmarking classes at all the local yoga studios and researching healers I wanted to see and reaching out to all of my friends who have been here to get their highest recs. VERY productive time at the airport that I am so grateful for!

Flight from Sydney to Bali: I will say, I am normally a glass-half-full person, but if I’m being real this flight was hellaciously miserable. I had already been traveling for over 25 hours, and my skin (as I mentioned) was broken out in the worst rash I have experienced in probably my entire life. I somehow had a window seat although I have a hard rule with myself where I will ONLY sit in the aisle so this mixup through me for a loop. I like to get up a ton of times throughout the flight to stretch, and feel free to drink as much water (i.e. have access to the bathroom) as much as I please. The flight felt about triple as long as it actually was, which was a little over six hours. And the books I impulse bought at the airport were not enthralling enough to distract me from my misery or from scratching my arms until they bled.

LONG. FLIGHT. EXPERIENCE. And I am fully aware as someone with misophonia who generally cannot stand people chewing next to me on flights, itching / scratching their skin, making noises with their mouth, etc. that I became the girl who was ripping her skin off in the seat next to a stranger. I have a very strong feeling he had a little misophonia himself because he was not too pleased with me, but I couldn’t help myself. Full blown hives outbreak rage was happening on my body and sitting pressed up against a window in a sweatsuit I’d been wearing for 30 hours in 3 countries just wasn’t cutting it for my sanity. You could say it gave me a little perspective.

Anyway, once I actually landed… I WAS ECSTATIC. I had a very kind driver named Molly (arranged by my friend Emily, also from Sactown, who lives here and is a godsend) waiting for me at the airport and he drove me from Denpasar to Ubud, which is about two hours. For someone who desperately needs to know how many minutes / hours a car ride (or anything transportation-related for that matter) will take… I was instantly reminded that accuracy goes out the window in Bali. LOL. For instance, if the driver tells you it will take an hour it could very easily end up taking two and a half. I should take a page out of their book on the patience front though, that is for sure. They are never in a rush and I really admire that.

Getting to my AirBnB: Similarly to the whole potential inaccuracy of minutes it will take to get somewhere, I have also learned about the potential (and highly likely) inaccuracy of AirBnB’s in real life vs. online here in Indonesia. I thought I had rented a beautiful villa for the month, in the center of town, with its own pool and the only person living there would be ME. But when I arrived I learned that my villa was part of a larger group of villas, and mine itself was very tiny. No kitchen. Not quite in the center of town. Not the safest vibe there. Did not speak to my soul hardly at all.

Still running on the anxious adrenaline of a 35 hour travel day I… hopped right on my computer and booked three other hotels to move to throughout the week before I found a fave to stay for good. I am still working on getting my $ back for the very-different-looking-from-its-photos AirBnB but that’s neither here nor there. I learned a great lesson nonetheless, which is… don’t book something for 21 nights in a row if you’ve never seen it or don’t have any direct recommendations from someone who you know and trust. (Jonathan tried to tell me this before I booked it but I hastily did it anyway because I thought it would be nice to have my own house — which it didn’t end up being — that I didn’t have to worry about moving from. I wanted to feel the experience of LIVING here vs. being in hotels.)

The moral of that story is that… I like luxury and when traveling alone it is very important to me to feel completely safe. There was no reason to fear moving around, being SPONTANEOUS, or spending more money on nice hotels and accommodations, because I worked daaaamn hard to get myself here and its not every day I get to live in the most magical city in the most healing of places in the world.

Day One – Five: Once I got here and settled in, the days started blending into each other in the BEST WAY. I moved to my new place on the first day and instantly felt more at home. My new hotel was on the same street that J & I stayed on the last time we were in Ubud, so I felt safer and more familiar instantaneously. I deleted Instagram from my phone, lost track of which day it was, felt a deep fire igniting within me to write poetry and express myself creatively in that way for the first time in so long, let go of my idea of what I “thought” I would be writing here that fit the mold of what I “should” be doing and just let it all flow. I read two books a day, started to feel more free than I ever have in my life, and my rashes also started to completely go away…

I have been getting at least one massage a day, as they are only about the equivalent of $10 here for AN HOUR AND A HALF… and that has been so healing for my body as mind as well.

Day Five – Seven: For a few days I stayed in the center of the Ubud rice fields and this experience absolutely changed me. To get my hotel I had to walk 20 minutes up a tiny dirt road path (or take a motor bike but let’s be real I am kind of scared shitless of those things and most people here don’t wear helmets or have them available for their passengers) and my views from every angle were fields and fields of rice paddies. I rented a FULL house that was for about a 10 person family (lol) because after my initial experience I did not want to end up anywhere short of the luxury and space I was looking for.

I realized I might have overdone it a tad when I got there and the staff was flabbergasted that I was a party of ONE for what they call “The Mansion,” but I think it happened for a divine reason and that reason was… I fell madly in love with my serenity and freedom there. I want to host a yoga retreat there next year — WILL YOU GUYS COME?!

This is where I got REALLLLLYYYY into the poetry groove. Suddenly, pages and pages and pages and pages started flowing out of me out of the clear blue sky. I began channeling a beautifully influential teacher of mine who passed away last summer, and she shared with me that poetry is going to be a big part of my present & future. She even dropped the names of so many poets and songs into my head for me to listen to for inspiration, and she told me why Broadway music has always been so important to me… because it ignites my soul on a deep level and is most often channeled from a higher place as well. Pretty nuts. She also wrote a bit poetry through me and it is absolutely beautiful.

Day Eight – Eleven: As I said, the days just keep blending into each other which feels amazing. I turned my Instagram back on and it’s kind of a love-hate thing right now. For one, I do feel deeply passionate about sharing imagery and experiences from this trip on my platform. For two, I freakin LOVE connecting with you guys and sharing with you where I am and what’s going on. And for three, there is a very strong businesswoman that lives deep inside of me and she’s like “Nuh uh honey, you ain’t walkin’ away from the career that has supported you for five years… not even for the downtime YOU NEED.” That final piece is the one that I struggle with. I am very grateful for my career, and I don’t want to walk away. But I do have a deep, deep awareness that changes need to be made in order for my overall health and happiness to prevail. And I don’t need to be so dang addicted to the phone whatsoever. So I am working on that, and being here is helping a lot.

A few big revelations with that are that I simply C A N N O T continue to do paid partnerships that are not completely aligned with my heart and soul. Just can’t. I stopped doing that a while ago but I feel the desire to hone in even more deeply now and focus much more on my writing, poetry, my own content for my own brand, and a few new projects that have come to me with massive clarity since I have been here. Once I bring some of those to life, I foresee myself working with no brands in the future other than my own. Plus the occasional brand or two that really gives me life, because I do have a few of those.

Another revelation is that I really want to focus on solo episodes on my podcast moving forward. I will still have guests who really align, but as a reflector (listen to my human design episode with Jenna Zoe if you don’t know what I’m talking about!) I get exceptionally wiped out from long interactions with others. Even though a pod episode that you guys hear is about an hour to an hour and a half, I am usually with my guest for double that amount of time and then recording intros / outros / midway ads for at least another hour or two per episode. Yes, they get cut down to a few minutes but I am a perfectionist by nature and it takes a lot for me to be satisfied with what I put out there.

For those reasons… something that feels so innately right to me are solo episodes. I can share so much of what I have been learning that ignites me but without the element of getting exhausted by other energies. I was getting to the point where if I did three podcast interviews in a week, I legitimately couldn’t do anything else because my energy reserves were shattered. My body was clearly reacting with the rashes, the insomnia, the anxiety, the food allergies, and more.

I am not saying I don’t enjoy doing the interviews — I do! I love them. That’s why I put so much of myself and my energy into the conversations and the process, hence the exhaustion. I just need to find a balance with it… two episodes per month perhaps as solos, two with guests. Something like that.

BIG, EXCITING PROJECT ON THE HORIZON that came to me while I was sitting at Clear Cafe here in Ubud and I feel as if I channeled 20 pages of info about it into my notebook. Originally I was filled with gusto to make it happen by July, but now I feel that in order to pace myself and instill what I’ve learned (slow down, no need to be in such a rush) it will be a slow and steady project with no rush to finish it. But when it is finished… daayummm I cannot wait for you guys to see it / experience it / DO IT WITH ME.

But yes, it will come to fruition in its divine timing. For now I have my poetry to focus on anyway. And you better believe I have BIG PLANS FOR IT.

As far as traveling alone, I absolutely love it. I feel like I could be alone for months on end and feel completely full and satisfied by it. I miss my love a lot, but FaceTime makes things easier and he has been a true supportive godsend with the support and love he shows me every day here and always. He is my rock and without his support I don’t think I would have even booked the flight to come here. I am lucky. So yes I miss him but in a way because of FaceTime I feel like he has experienced many of the most special parts of my trip with me so far.

Lastly, on the food front, I have been eating about 90% raw vegan here and 10% cooked vegan. So yes, all vegan. Plant-based. Whatever we wanna call it. I feel amazing and there will be a full post coming on this — even though I asked in a poll on IG if you guys would want to read a post about that and so far most have said yes and 10% have said no… I know that’s a small percentage but I sometimes wonder whether the people who say “no” know I can see that they did and then I’m just thinking WHY. Maybe that means I shouldn’t ask, haha. I need a whole subset of poll questions like “if no… then why not?”

And as serious as I am about that I am also working on the art of letting go of what others think entirely. I have found that is an absolutely huge component to healing and deleting IG for a few days made other people’s opinions non-existent to me. It felt so good.

Anyway, ask you can see I am going on a big tangent now because that’s what happens when I write. I write to feel, I write it all out, and I also haven’t really hung out with anyone but myself in eleven days, other than a lot of FaceTime calls with my love and my fam and some dates with my sister Carlyn who is also here. So you’re getting the REAAAAL unfiltered me.

I think that’s it for now. It’s almost dinnertime here and I have a long walk to get to my fave cafe for some raw goodness.

All of my love, my babes. Thank you so much for being here & for reading this.

More to come! Like my KAMBO experience, my poetry overflow, my channeling exercises, the hotels and spas that I love here, and more. Feels so good to share my journey with you so far.

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Loving Lately // 3.4.18

Hellloooo, my babes!

I am headed back to Bali TONIGHT for the rest of the month of April… and I am so unbelievably excited I could burst.

I will be writing a full blog post about why I am going on this solo trip and what has inspired me to embark on a new way of life — a life I will be contemplating in Bali and diving deep into so that when I return I will be able to incorporate my new way of living into my daily life.

The SHORT STORY: I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have not been well this year, which you can read the most about here.

The FULL STORY: Coming soon. Not sure how soon, because I am playing my blog writing schedule very much by ear while I am there. Could be Day One, could be deep into the trip. We shall see!

Anyway, I wanted to share one big ol’ LOVING LATELY post before I head out on my trip to leave you angels with all sorts of things I have been loving these days!

LOVING LATELY // 3.4.18

DIGITAL DETOX & LUCID DREAMING //

Lately I have been taking an hour to two hours off of from my phone before I go to sleep, largely thanks to Jonathan for being really good about reminding me how important it is and how much I want to stay on top of it.

I won’t lie, when he’s not with me I still have a tendency to check my phone like a maniac right up until I get in bed. What can I say, I love responding to you guys and commenting back on IG and scrolling all of the accounts that I love. But I will say, that is more of a daytime thing and not something I want to focus on at night anymore.

The last several nights Jonathan and I (and Huddy, of course) have stretched, done yoga on the floor, meditated, written poetry, and just soaked each other in rather than being on our phones or staying in workaholic mode. It has been so nice, and has reminded me what this life is all about. It’s about CONNECTION… in real life, not on the screens.

Anyway, thanks to taking time off of my phone before bed, I have gotten into this incredible subconscious pre-dream DREAM MODE before sleep every night. It’s this incredible frame of mine where I am able to exist with so much awareness inside of my subconscious. I have seen so much from Tibetan Sanskrit texts that I was able to READ (no joke — past life memory of sorts?!) to random memories from childhood that have been lodged in my subconscious for years, to dream state ideas and places that I go while asleep — but WHILE I am awake.

Sometimes I am jolted back to reality because my rashes have still been so terrible that I will remember that my entire body is itchy and on fire. If you’ve ever had eczema, you know that nighttime is the worst. My acupuncturist says it’s because it’s the YIN time of day, which is the time of the blood. Since rashes are inflammation of the blood and blood flow constriction, it makes a ton of sense.

Regardless, I dive back into my lucid dreams pretty easily once I am able to re-relax myself, and for a chronic insomniac like myself… it’s been an amazing way to drift back off to sleep and avoid insomnia.

If you’ve never done it… TRY IT! I promise it isn’t that hard. Meditate before bed, light some candles, clear your mind, brain dump your day into a journal, and see where your mind takes you when you lay down.

LIVING IN SWIMSUITS & COZY CLOTHES //

I am sooooo into living in swimsuits lately. Maybe its the fact that my body has been broken out in head to toe rashes for 4 months straight (you can def see them in these photos) so anything that BARELY covers my skin is key, or maybe its the fact that something in me ignited this year and I have never been more comfortable in my skin or proud of my own body before. Regardless… I am ABOUT the swimsuits right now. And the beachy clothing.

And living at the beach. I know so man of you reading don’t live near the beach so you may not feel me on this one, but you know what it feels like when it’s summertime. Now envision summertime pretty much year round — and that’s been life in LA lately. It’s been the warmest, sunniest winter. And now that I am heading to Bali I am just going to take the beachwear to the next level!

Lately I have been LOVING the site Backcountry annnddd I’ll tell ya why. The main thing I love about them is that you don’t have to sacrifice fashion for function when it comes to swimwear. When you have boobs like this sista over here (oh hey), the last thing you want is a super flimsy (yet cute, but flimsy AF) bathing suit where you have to worry about your boobs falling out of if you even stand up from your lounge chair. I don’t know about you, but I’m about the surfing, paddle boarding, beach yoga, and ocean dips. Ya feel me?

I also love Backcountry because they have not only Swimwear but the cutest Spring Lifestyle Collection. You babes are going to love what you see — some of my most favorite brands there are from Seafolly to Vitamin A, and I even got these badass ray bans there! So PINK and so fun!

Also, these Prana shorts are my fave. Fun fact? I hosted an event with Prana in Manhattan Beach back in the day when I was a new yoga teacher! They are the kindest company, and SoCal locals.

And I highly doubt it will come as a shock to you guys that I am a Birkenstock person. I mean… isn’t it written all over me?

Anyway, long story short, Backcountry is your one stop shop for all things swimwear, spring looks, and comfy beachy clothes. You guys are always asking me what I am loving on the fashion front so I wanted to share more!

MANIFESTATION //

Let’s talk about manifestation. It is SO REAL. Check out this Manifesting 101 post I did a few months back for the basics.

But now I wanna update you some of the things I have manifested into my life!

For one, a few months ago I told Jonathan I was going to manifest having Trevor Hall on my podcast. He has been one of my spiritual idols and my #1 favorite musician since I was about 14 years old. I had no connections to him when I told the universe I wanted him on the pod, but very shortly after I started meeting people who knew him. One thing lead to the next, and I had him on for the first time back in December.

Fast forward to today… my SECOND (not first, but second!) episode with Trevor came out today. On today’s episode we are talking everything from his spiritual practices, to his latest album (check it out, it’s everything), to how he met his wife. CHECK OUT the ep, and let us know what you think!

Secondly, several months back all I wanted in my life was to be surrounded by healers, intuitives, and conscious doctors who could help me get to the bottom of my health and skin issues. Lately, my days are filled with appointments with incredible healers from shamanic facialists, to shamanic medicine readers, to straight up shamans, to reiki masters, medical mediums, kundalini gurus, and more.

These are not necessarily people I have sought out! Almost all of these people have come to me in one form or another to be of service in different areas I am struggling with. It has been incredible not only from a healing standpoint, but also just from a high vibe standpoint of being surrounded by such magical humans.

Also, this trip to Bali was 100% manifested!

I have also booked about 5 more DREAM GUESTS on the podcast to the point where its almost making me laugh how accurately the universe responds when we send it the message that we KNOW what we want.

MY YOGA HOME PRACTICE //

I have not been able to go to my regular heated yoga studios for MONTHS because of everything my skin has been going through. Truly, right now, I have bright red welts all over my chest, arms, stomach, and legs. It feels like they’re on fire. One of the worst things I could do for my skin is move and twist and sweat in a hot room.

It’s been ROUGH, because yoga is a part of my identity. I didn’t miss a single day at the yoga studio for years. YEARS. This is no exaggeration, this is legit how much it means to me.

But the blessing in disguise is that I have really created a yoga home practice in a brand new way. Last year I got pretty into doing yoga at home because I was doubling up on the yoga during my teacher training — yoga at home, yoga in the studio, teaching yoga, all of it. That is how I created my Soul on Fire Yoga E-Book, purely for people who wanted to practice at home but weren’t sure where to begin!

I have been loving practicing on my floor lately, in the comfort of my own home where I can hang with my Squeak, stretch, flow, make up my own flows, blast my own music, improve upon poses that I have always wanted to master but don’t get touched on often in classes, and more. It has been empowering in a big way, and so enjoyable.

JADE ROLLING & GEMSTONE ROLLING //

I wrote this post on jade rolling and if you haven’t checked it out, pop on over there! Jade rolling, gemstone rolling, and all around lymphatic drainage has been an absolute game changer for my skin lately.

I have also been getting weekly FACIALS from the best of the best in LA. I am working on a fave facials in LA blog post that will be up very soon! Not sure how soon… since I am going to take time to myself in Bali, but it will be up whenever it’s supposed to be.

Boom! What are YOU loving lately?! TELL MEEEE.

Also, check out Backcountry and their amaze swimsuits and Spring looks! If you get this Seafolly suit from this post, SEND ME A PIC! Tag me on IG #tbbmademedoit and it will make me smile. Functional and adorable, all at the same time. You can shop the looks below!

WISH ME LUCK on my flight to Bali toniiiiiight!! So, so, so ready to be there and bliss the F out. Will take you all along for the ride, in whichever way feels the best. <3 ALL OF MY LOVE.

Showing posts from April, 2018

A rare eye cancer showed up in three friends. Doctors want to know if the cases are connected.

A scientist just turned 104. His birthday wish is to die.

A doctor flew into a sudden rage and threatened to decapitate, disembowel employees and patients

Top Democratic senator questions CDC director’s $375,000 salary

A mother was diagnosed with a deadly rodent-borne virus, family says. Months later, she died.

Bill Gates calls on U.S. to lead fight against a pandemic that could kill 33 million

Why surgeons amputated a 7-year-old’s leg and reattached it the wrong way

The New Kind of Plant-Based

Dangerous E. coli outbreak from romaine lettuce expands, with 19 states affected

She read about a 4-year-old’s mysterious death. A year later, it saved her own daughter’s life.

FDA cracks down on sales of Juul, other e-cigarettes to youth

Inside the secret U.S. stockpile meant to save us all in a bioterror attack

Source of E.coli-contaminated romaine lettuce still a mystery, FDA says

Latest E. coli outbreak warning expands to all romaine lettuce

Nasal spray of party drug shows promise as fast-acting antidepressant, researchers say

Federal substance abuse chief cancels contracts — and roils longtime agency partners

E. coli outbreak spreads as source of tainted lettuce remains a mystery

First marijuana-derived drug poised for FDA approval after winning support from advisers

Have you or someone you know waited too long for an organ transplant?

A 4-year-old had been growling at preschool — so this naturopath says she gave him rabid dog saliva

bali thus far.

New CDC chief stepped down from four groups to comply with ethics rules

The disturbing reason behind the spike in organ donations

Woman was sickened by E. coli after eating contaminated romaine lettuce at Panera Bread, suit says

These are the top priorities for the nation’s top cancer doctor

Teenagers and college-age people drink less while this group pours another round

For advanced lung cancer, immune therapy plus chemo prolongs survival

E. coli outbreak in 11 states linked to store-bought chopped romaine lettuce, CDC says

Bathroom hand dryers may leave your hands dirtier than before, gross new study says

This 3-year-old has ‘a sparkle’ in her heart: The world’s smallest mechanical heart valve

FDA restricts sale of Essure contraceptive device, requires that women be informed of risks

With $2 million, Kaiser Permanente wants to help revive underfunded gun-violence research

Amid new talk of criminalizing abortion, research shows dangers for women

Timothy Cunningham, the CDC researcher who mysteriously vanished in February, has been found dead