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Wedding Planning + Surgery Recovery Updates

Hi hi! Firstly, you should know that there is a bomb giveaway on TBB Podcast today, featuring Silver Fern Probiotics & an amazing convo with the Co-Founder, CEO & Chief Nutritionist of the brand, Charity Lighten! To enter the giveaway, just rate & review the podcast on iTunes + email a screenshot to me.

In the ep we discuss gut health, microbiome, eating for cancer (Charity’s husband is battling stage 4 colon cancer), living a vibrant life despite tons of challenges, running a growing brand, probiotics obvi, and so much more.

And if you’re not into the whole giveaway thing, then you can also order from Silver Fern using the code BLONDE for 20% off all products in their site! They are my GO-TO probiotic brand and my current fave chocolate plant-based protein powder.

Anyway, onto the topic(s) of today’s post… a few updates! Mainly in the arenas of wedding planning and recovering from surgery… the two biggest things in my life right now. In a way? I feel like everything going on right now is pretty big, but these two are taking up most of my headspace.

Let’s start with wedding planning! Something fun and lighthearted.

Wedding Planning EEK !! //

You guys know I am VERY picky. I am also very indecisive. I am a hopeless romantic and even though I have had images of my future wedding in my mind for years, the fact that it is now time to actually plan it has my head spinning with ideas and thoughts.

The one thing J & I have always known is that we want our wedding to be about celebrating our love, and celebrating love in general. We want everyone to feel special. The vows are hands down my favorite part of any wedding. I plan on pouring out my heart and soul during our vows, and I cannot wait to see what Jonathan writes… and when I think of our wedding, that is the part that stands out as the most exciting and special to me. The rest is just icing on the cake.

Another thing we have known for a while is that we want to have someone who we know personally officiate our wedding, and we have a few ideas in mind. Other than that, who we are surrounded with is the other most important part to us. Jonathan asked all of his groomsmen to be in our wedding before he even proposed (lol!!!) and I have not asked my bridesmaids yet but I know who they are (and they probably do too!!!) and I have asked my Maids of Honor to be a part of our special day… and I have decided to have multiple MOH’s. You know I am not traditional in any way.

We just want to include all of our loved ones and make everyone feel special and amazing. Oh and we know who our photog is too and that person is a longtime dear, dear friend and one of the FIRST EVER (okay actually the very first ever) photographer on TBB. You can try to figure out who it is hehe that will be a fun game. I will be announcing it at some point soon!

Then as far as LOCATION my head has been spinning. Jonathan is letting me very much take the reigns, but ultimately we will decide together when it comes time to choose THE place. For a while I was 100% thinking nearby, since we live in such a gorgeous location… So Cal. My initial thoughts were somewhere in Malibu (SoHo House Malibu if you would ever allow a wedding we would be there in a freakin heart beat… our engagement spot!!) or Ojai, which are both still very high on the list.

Then I started thinking destination rather than close by. I won’t say where, because I feel like if I do say where I will get so many opinions my head might legitimately fly off (and I think it already did fly off today just trying to make the decision between destination or not). Destinations definitely have their pros and cons. I love the idea of having something more intimate and just being surrounded by our closest of closest of people, but I also love the idea of not having to cut our list too, too short.

We have a lot of people in our lives who we love, so it would be hard to cut down!! And this particular destination I have in mind has very spotty weather which worries me. Or maybe I am just nervous to commit because that is a whole ballgame in itself. But of course something (I mean everything) tells me that when we find our perfect location it will just feel 10000% right.

Here’s the thing: I do not want this to be a stressful or overwhelming experience. I am a very low maintenance gal. I have the highest hopes & dreams for our wedding and I know it will be perfect for us wherever it lands. I am so lucky to have my mama and my epic MOH’s to help me make the decisions that may start to stress me out, not to mention the most chill fiancé in the world who will help make any and all decisions.

Lastly… my health is definitely one of my thoughts when it comes to planning. I would marry Jonathan tomorrow if I could. I just want to be mindful that my health is in a better place than it is now when we get married. Of course I cannot control that too far out, but I have a feeling if we wait a litttttle bit I will be feeling quite a bit better than I am currently.

We have gone back and forth about dates and that is something I will share once we have it set in stone!! EEEK!! Oh and we have our wedding hashtag all picked out and I CANNOT WAIT to share that!!

I can’t wait for all of it. I freakin love celebrating love. I am so madly obsessed with J and I cannot wait for him to be my husband. But I also want to enjoy the process and remember to slooooww down wherever possible. <3

SURGERY RECOVERY UPDATES !!

I am coming up on two weeks of recovery from my abdominal myomectomy. I am still sleeping about 11-12 hours a night, so my body is still recovering like CRAZY. I mean I cannot physically wake up before 9am even if I needed to for a massive emergency. My body is NEEDING the sleep, so I am embracing it.

Beyond the sleep… the other thing is just major amounts of brain fog. I haven’t had a whole lot of focus for the last few weeks. It’s kind of like my regular Lyme brain fog but amplified times 25. It has made it hard to get a lot done, but blogging every day has been nice. Just chatting with you guys. It has made me feel like I am somewhat staying on top of things which feels nice.

For the most part my pain has been getting better and better every day. The one day that was not the case was on Sunday. I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my lower back on the side… it kind of felt like kidney or liver pain, which concerned me that maybe I’d been taking too many pain pills or Ibuprofen! The pain was SEVERE, I couldn’t even stand for most of the day.

But other than that the pain has been easing up with every passing day, which makes me so happy. I have been going on long walks with my mom and with J, and I have worked up to about 3-4 miles a day which feels SO DAMN GOOD after being in bed for a solid week, barely even able to walk around the apartment!

I think the best thing about the surgery has of course been feeling so much lighter having that massive grapefruit out of my body, and there is no more pressure on my bladder or lower back. I used to get up multiple times a night to pee, and I haven’t had to do that even once since the surgery. That has been amazing.

The other nice thing has been creating really strong boundaries and sticking to them. I haven’t seen many people, and the people I have seen are my dearest friends who are here with me in the darkest days and the best days. In other words — my unconditional humans. The ones who will lay on the couch with me and bring me smoothies and expect nothing at all because they know I can’t even move. The ones who will go on a walk around the block with me when I really can’t move faster than a snail. As a recovering people pleaser, it has been nice to have zero obligations for the last two weeks.

Here are what the incisions are looking like right now. It amazes me how quickly they have been healing!

So those are the updates!! Thoughts?! Wedding thoughts / surgery thoughts? Be sure to enter that Silver Fern giveaway, so exciting !!! And use code BLONDE for a discount of course. <3 XX

From Living Alone to Living with My Other Half

Hey guys! It’s Sunday night over here (you’ll read this on Monday morning, look at me being all last minute & what not… wait that is how I always am ) and I have had a really brain foggy, painful (my liver is in a very weird state of pain today — maybe because of all of the post-surgery pain meds), and lazy kinda Sunday.

I was just saying to J, “What should I write about on the blog for tomorrow?” and after he threw out a few ideas I wasn’t a huge fan of, and another few ideas that I am so a fan of but I want to save them for when my brain isn’t so foggy, he said, “How about you write about living with me?”

BINGO!

My Own Space //

We all know I had a good run of living alone for the last three years before he and I moved in together in July. Well, I wasn’t *alone* because I had Hudson for nearly that entire time, but Huddy & I had our own place and I was very, very, very used to having my little haven to come home to to decompress from the craziness of life.

One bonus now is that life is not currently all that crazy. Well it is, but in a way different way. During my years of living alone I was traveling constantly, spending my days out and about, and working pretty much 24/7 and living dat blogger life. Not to mention my home was also my office, my location for mostly all of my photo shoots, and became the designated spot for all of my blog writing, video shooting, and more. In some ways it felt like less of a home and more of a bedroom with an office tacked on to it… but I do believe it was perfect for me during that season of my life.

I lived in the same apartment for three years, which is the longest I have lived anywhere since I lived at home with my parents before college. In college we moved every year, except for our last two years where I lived in a house with six other girls. After college I lived in NYC with my best friend Katie for a year, and then moved back to LA where I lived with my college friend & Alpha Phi “big sis” Laura for a year.

My one bedroom apartment was the first thing that was all MINE… and it felt really, really good. For the first time in my life I was making enough money to live on my own and have a space to call mine. It was nothing fancy, but if you know Brentwood or Los Angeles in general than you know that living on your own is a luxury in itself. Stepping in the door to my old place and soaking in the vibes was something that always made me feel a huge sigh of relief. Total and utter happiness to come into my own space.

In those years I learned a lot about myself. I learned that my Human Design type is a Reflector (head here to listen to the Human Design episode on my podcast to learn all about it), which taught me so much about my personality that made a ton of sense. In essence, Reflectors thrive off of a lot of alone time. I never quite understood that about myself in my adolescence or in college, and even for the first few years out of college I strove to surround myself with people.

When I was living alone I finally had that refuge of a place that was just for me. I could do anything — be my relatively messy self, go on crazy cleaning/organizing sprees when I felt like it, leave my Vitamix and juicer out for weeks on end, blast the A/C at all times and live in my cozy winter PJ’s, overflow my drawers and closet space with all sorts of clothes that I’ve hung onto for years, designate corners of the apartment to the never-ending slew of boxes I get sent from brands for product reviews, have phone calls and FaceTime dates with my besties in the Bay Area / other states at any hour of the day or night, be a total night owl, foam roll for hours while listening to Eminem and then Postmates Cafe Gratitude, you get it.

I was doing my OWN thing. I would have girls’ nights at my place pretty often but we would all end up sitting on the ground because Hudson had totally taken over the couch (cat hair life), and my dining table was more of a barstool situation that was really more of a recipe photoshoot location than anything.

After I started dating Jonathan we spent a lot of time going back and forth. His place was SUPER sophisticated and grown up compared to mine, especially given that he is four years older and has been living the “adult life” for a little longer than I have. I have also come around to the fact that he also just has way better taste in home decor than I do, so that also played a huge role.

I loved having him over to my little one bedroom girly / food blogging office haven and I loved spending time at his place. After dating for a year and a half with plans to move in together this summer, I personally could not have been MORE ready to live with him. Clearly after you’ve heard all about me being a Reflector with my odd blogging hours, photoshoots at home, home office, etc. then you know that I have become extremely picky about who I live with.

I knew that wouldn’t be an issue with J. I knew I would be stepping away from my luxurious “just me” set up but would be stepping into a new loving home with him, which I was so excited about.

Shedding the Layers //

When I got home from my water fast in June, after two months of travel and major self-exploration, stepping in the door to my tiny one bedroom apartment that once felt like such a special homey haven to me actually felt suffocating.

I don’t know if you guys are like me, but when something is no longer right in my heart… I kind of shatter, and I get very, very impatient about making it right. In this case, that meant finding a new place for me and Jonathan to move into together.

During all of my traveling this year and the intensity of the water fast, I felt like I morphed into somewhat of a different person. Not to mention facing chronic Lyme disease and mold poisoning and full body hives all year had taken a toll on me, and living alone in my cramped and messy space that was overflowing with stuff (that felt like junk to me) that I had gathered and held onto over the years just felt like something in my past. Maybe other people who have spent significant time traveling and then come home may have felt the same? If so I would love to hear!

Anyway, Hudson’s hair was flying around everywhere in fluffy white clumps and Jonathan was dropping me off from the airport and then heading back to his place, and I burst into tears. Actually that would be putting it mildly… the truth is I got pretty hysterical. I cried and cried and begged him not to leave. (We had just been together in Sacramento for the weekend.) His response was, “Ummm… I’ve been house sitting your place for TWO MONTHS and taking care of Huddy. I’m going to let you guys reconnect tonight and I am going to go home for the first time in forever and do my laundry and get my stuff together. You’ll be okay, I think you’re just overwhelmed.”

I was overwhelmed. I sat on my floor with Hudson in my arms and bawled my eyes out for the rest of the evening. It was this strange feeling of shedding a layer, shedding a skin really, feeling like I had outgrown that season of my life, the season of living alone and working from home and making my work my LIFE. Staying in that one bedroom apartment felt like it would be taking a step back — so I resolved to find our perfect space as soon as I could.

I wasn’t sobbing because I wasn’t currently living with Jonathan, but it was more about the desire of welcoming a NEW space into my life. I had this INTENSE desire to get rid of nearly everything I owned. I felt a new phase of my life coming on, one that was built around someone who had grown so much and someone who knew exactly what she wanted. I no longer wanted a home/office that felt like I had to be “on” all the time — I wanted a home home, a place to call mine & Jonathan’s, a place for our love to grow, to entertain our friends, a place to retreat from work and write/read/relax my heart out.

Moving On In //

Timing is a crazy thing. Two nights after my floor sob sesh with Hudson after getting back from my solo travels, I was officially diagnosed with Lyme disease. My mom was down here for the appointment and she decided that she and my dad would rent a place down here to help me with the overwhelming amount of treatments that were to come. We called the number for a place we’d seen the last time she was in town that we FELL in love with and guess what? They were finally taking applicants!!!!

So my mom, my dad, me, and Jonathan were the first applicants for this new place, and a little over a month later Jonathan and I were the first residents in the building!!!! A brand new building, IN my neighborhood, one that fit all of our requirements: lots of light, hardwood floors, laundry in unit, an open kitchen, a long hallway for Huddy to play, everything we love in walking distance (Alfred, Jonathan’s office, OTF, so many of our friends, great restaurants, yoga, Farmer’s Market, etc.), a second bedroom for my home office / future baby room (?!?!), and… my parents RIGHT UPSTAIRS (okay a few floors over too which is probably for the best lol)!!!

So yes, needless to say, I am a big believer in timing. Right when the Universe told me, “Jordan, its time to shed the shit out of these layers you’ve got goin’ on. It’s time to ditch your old spot, get rid of everything that no longer serves you, and start a new chapter with the love of your life,” RIGHT THEN is when this place became available. Complete fate.

Something you should know about Jonathan and I is that we don’t really fight. We’ve learned that he is moody and I am crazy (that is what I say at least, lol) so knowing each other’s triggers is key, and it keeps us from arguing or fighting almost all of the time. We definitely disagree on things, but for the most part we respect the hell out of each other and we were best friends before we ever dated so the whole fighting thing isn’t really our jam.

Because of that, I thought that getting used to living together would be a piece of cake!!! LOL I was wrong. Everyone told me it would be an adjustment and I kept thinking, Ehhh not for us. But it totally, truly has been.

The good outweighs the difficult parts times 2938298. Coming home to him, or him coming home to me, is the best feeling in the world. I never again want to revisit the days of living alone in my lil one bedroom. The weird thing is, I can’t even drive up the street of my old place anymore without getting the chills, in a bad way. Maybe it’s because I got mold poisoning living there and maybe it’s because I spent the last 8 months of living there being extremely sick — but I also think it’s because I am so much more damn happy now. Our home feels like a family, with Jonathan and Huddy and of course my parents in the building, and I am in love with it.

Hardest Parts //

But onto those difficult parts of learning to live together and share a space… we have totally opposite schedules. I have been a princess about going to bed whenever the hell I want and waking up whenever I want for the last several years. And homegirl needs a LOT of sleep. Now being so sick especially, but also always. Jonathan can survive off of VERY little sleep. He’s kinda like a machine, and he is known to work himself into the ground. So the first several weeks of living together went a little something like this:

“Ummm babe, are you going to come to bed?” – Me

“What? I just got home! I need to play with Hud in the hallway and then clean the kitchen and then maybe eat something and then decompress for a while and then take a shower and then meditate.” – Him

*Tries to calculate how many hours this will take, and the fact that I can’t sleep knowing all this commotion will be going on, and panics* – Me

That sleeping time issue was really hard at first for both of us. I was petrified about losing sleep (which I did), and he felt like he didn’t have free reign in his own home to wind down after a long, long work day. After two months I feel like we are getting into more of a rhythm. Communication has been key. Luckily both of us have no problem speaking our minds.

Solution: I have been staying up a little later and he has been coming home and winding down much earlier. We have fallen into a fun habit of watching TV together in bed and talking all about our days before we fall asleep. The craziness of moving in is over so he doesn’t feel the need to clean/organize as much late at night. And I think he likes having the grounding ritual of falling asleep earlier/together.

The other thing is that Jonathan is very much like MOST of the people in my life (my dad, all of my best friends, many roommates I’ve had, etc.) in that he is SUPPPERRR organized and clean. I on the other hand tend to be on the more disorganized, last minute, messy, very chill side of the spectrum.

So I will come home and find that Jonathan has rearranged the fridge, thrown away my brand new can of salt-free beans that I was planning to make a taco with (this happened this weekend hahah), moved my protein powders so they’re nowhere to be found until I call him. etc. etc.

On the one hand this is very nice, and I know I am lucky that Jonathan is a clean freak who keeps our place looking and feeling squeaky clean. On the other hand it can trigger the childhood Jordan who had my dad (#Byron, anyone?) following me around our house with a dish towel and erupting over a crumb on the ground and not letting me touch anything in the house whatsoever. Jonathan is NOT like this, but because of the way I grew up and me being extremely sensitive to living with an OCD cleanliness-obsessed human, it has caused me to think long and hard about my reactions to such things!

Overall I am learning to be a more organized person and it’s been very good for me. Jonathan has definitely done a lot more work than one person should have to to keep our space clean while I am sick and in bed most of the time, so he is amazing for that.

As far as other potentially difficult things… we both love our space and love to have alone time, but I don’t think we have run into difficulties with that so far. On Friday night he was with his boys and I was with my BFF Alexi and it was great. Today (Sunday) he organized all day and I hung with my mama and then laid in bed (like I said, in pain AF) and we both got lots of alone time to breathe.

I think the adjustment has been on the easier for us, as far as what I have heard from others! I know we will continue to run into things that come up (like my absolute panic about the slight ant problem we have right now and my simultaneous panic about the chemicals we’d have to use to kill the ants… and Jonathan’s extreme patience doing one corner of one room at a time with the ant spray hehe) but the communication will always keep it real.

OHHH and me getting used to grocery shopping for not one but two people, and not two normal people but one ravenous beast (him) plus myself with all of my crazy food specifications. That is one thing I am definitely still getting used to!!!

Best Parts //

There are so many amazing things about living together — from falling asleep together every night and feeling like I am having a sleepover with my best friend EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, getting to binge watch Netflix shows together (why is this so fun???), having a full-blown dad for Hud (I mean he was already his dad but now Jonathan feeds him morning and night and plays with him for so many hours its unreal & somehow takes more pressure off of me than I even knew I needed), eating dinner together every night and learning to shop for two, having a built-in handyman (lol), getting to share everything with each other and spend so much more time together, and truly just build a home and a life together.

Lots of you know that after a couple weeks of living together, Jonathan proposed (!!!) so we have had all sorts of new and exciting adjustments around here. All in all, he is my other half and living together is kind of my favorite thing in the world. I get excited to see him every day and I miss him a lot while he is at work (lol but true) and he has even been a champ about my family living in the building — I know he loves how much help they’ve been truly, my mom is a full-time assistant/nurse to me in many ways right now. AND like I said… the best part is every night sleepovers with my best friend in the world. It has not stopped being exciting yet!

Lastly…We also both knew that we have the same lifestyle, which helps a lot. We don’t really like to go out late, we both love to stay active and busy on the weekends (when I’m healthy) but we also love our downtime and relaxing time, we both treat Hudson like an absolute king (ok if my roommate of any kind didn’t we’d have a problem), we can both get majorly in the ZONE when working/cleaning, we eat super healthy and love to cook, we have our little yoga routine certain nights of the week, I’ve gotten him into a reading routine before bed, etc. Now I feel like I am explaining our relationship to you but a roommate relationship is hugely important too, on top of him being the love of my life!

So!!! If you’re reading this post and you are thinking about moving in with your significant other, I’d say DO IT but do it when you’re good & ready. I loved having all those years to myself, and I know J loved living with his best friend for many years before we moved in together. When you make the leap, make sure that open communication is goin’ down and that you are aware of each other’s little triggers and quirks. Patience is worth it (even when it’s hard) and you may have to buy 10x the veggies/food to keep the fridge full but you also have a built-in best friend and life partner at your side in your very own home so…. WORTH IT.

What do you guys think? Do you live with your S/O? Do you live alone / how is it?! I wanna hear it all!!

His face was severely damaged on a hunt. Now he’s the world’s oldest face transplant recipient.

In May, Maurice Desjardins was given a face transplant — Canada's first.

Fibroid Surgery: ALL The Deets

Hi guys! Happy Friday. I am loving, loving, loving blogging 5 days a week this month. It has been only minorly difficult to stay on top of because of basically being on bedrest post-surgery and having very little energy to play with, but for the most part it has been keeping me goin’ and keeping me inspired while I hang at home. I love the consistency and knowing you guys are getting these emails every day!

( If you’re not getting the emails, go here to sign up for the newsletter! Literally just blog posts straight to your inbox, no other spam or anything at all. )

Anyway, today I am here to chat about the abdominal myomectomy I had last Friday, a.k.a fibroid surgery to remove the grapefruit sized fibroid that had grown on my uterus. *Insert face palm emoji.*

*Insert dancing girl in red dress emoji too because it’s out now, yay!*

TW: I’m just going to go ahead and warn you now that there are some photos of the fibroid in this post, and some bloody pics of the fibroid while it’s getting removed. If graphic images are not your jam, I would not recommend scrolling far down in this post! Or just don’t look too closely. I personally think it’s super fascinating to see a fibroid up close and hopefully will be fun for you to see it too if you’re like me!

So I guess I should start with pre-surgery. I found out about the fibroid in November of last year, and my OBGYN ( who also happens to be a fibroid expert, which I am SO GRATEFUL FOR ) told me we’d just keep an eye on it to see if it was growing. Of course as a holistic medicine nerd and wellness freak, I tried everything in my power to shrink it on my own from Ayurveda to castor oil packs to water fasts to diet and hormone supplements and more.

Unfortunately… instead of shrinking with all of my holistic methods, the fibroid only grew. When I went for a followup earlier this summer it had grown to 8.5 cm, a.k.a the size of a large baseball or a small grapefruit.

I was lucky that my fibroid had not obstructed the uterus ( it was not inside of the uterus ) because that can cause major complications with fertility down the road and also makes the removal process much more painful and difficult, I have heard. Not that it isn’t painful and difficult to begin with because I am here to be real with you and tell you, IT IS.

The complications with my particular fibroid were that it was sitting on my uterus and pushing itself onto my lower back, my intestines, and my bladder. Of course I have had terrible digestion for a long time now, and having a fibroid in the way of all of your digestive organs is not helpful. Because it was pushing on my bladder I found myself getting up to pee at least 3 times per night, totally messing with my sleep.

I thought this was NORMAL and didn’t realize I had something so large and in charge resting on my bladder — and homegirl drinks a lot of liquids. I am beverage obsessed.

The biggest complication for me was fertility. Having a fibroid on your uterus makes it quite difficult to get pregnant. Not impossible by any means, but definitely brings the percentage far down. Then if you do get pregnant, it often causes complications with pregnancy as well as miscarriages.

NOT WHAT I WANT TO GET MYSELF IN TO. I pray that when the time comes for J & I to have babies it is smooth sailing. I know my body has been through a lot health-wise so I am up for whatever challenge comes our way, but I don’t need an extra mass of tissue in the way that is for sure.

Lyme + Fibroids //

I just quickly want to address that having Lyme disease and co-infections definitely contributed to me developing a fibroid. I am not sure that all doctors would agree but I know the mine does (both my Lyme specialist and my OBGYN)… and regardless, we all have a heightened intuition about our own bodies and mine 100% tells me that these issues are related.

Lyme has compromised my body and my immune system so much that my body has trouble fighting off anything that begins to go awry. Fibroids are mostly caused by a mass amount of estrogen in the body that comes together and starts making a mass of tissue on your reproductive organs. The hormone imbalances I have experienced over the last few years have been WILD and are greatly connected to Lyme. Lyme is wildly known to mess with the female hormones and reproductive organs, which is why many of us sadly have hormone imbalances, acne, ovarian cysts, PCOS, endometriosis, etc.

Speaking of, having fibroids was actually one of the reasons I FOUND my Lyme doc to begin with! My friend heard about fibroids, ovarian cysts, etc. being linked to Lyme (as well as eczema and fatigue and other issues I was experiencing) and told me that I needed to at least try out seeing a Lyme doctor.

I believe that everything in our bodies is connected. Earlier this year when I knew I had fibroids, full body eczema, extreme fatigue, horrible acne, and acute pain throughout my body I KNEW these things were all linked. I knew I was far too young and healthy to be experiencing all of this separately. Now it makes so much sense.

Fast forward to surgery day!!!!

For some godforsaken reason I was not nervous at all. I think this is because, like I said, I have been through a lot with my health and my doctor assured me that on top of Lyme and co-infections, this surgery was basically a piece of cake.

However I will say I did not realize just how freakin’ painful it is to have your uterus sliced open, but we’ll get there.

I had my entourage with me at the hospital, AKA Jonathan, my mom, and my dad. They were amazing troopers who waited there all day ( okay they actually shopped at the Brentwood Country Mart LOL but they were there pre-surgery and immediately post-surgery so I was very happy ) and Jonathan spent the night at the hospital with me and took care of me every waking moment. He is a saint.

Going into it I was in good spirits and just excited to get that awful mass of tissue out of my body. Now that I was aware of it I knew it was causing me a ton of discomfort and even a bit of pain. The anesthesia did its job and when I woke up, to an amazing nurse named Gina who said, “Your surgery is over! I know your fiancé and I read your blog and I think you are so strong.” I MEAN WHAT? THAT WAS THE BEST WAY TO WAKE UP EVER!

But I truly didn’t believe her that the surgery had already taken place. Anesthesia is wild, you guys. I am sure a lot of you know. The only reason I believed her was because A) she seemed trustworthy, but B) my lower abdomen was on absolute fire. I immediately started shivering, not from being cold, but from being in MAJOR pain. I couldn’t believe it.

“So this is what I’ve gotten myself into…” I thought. My mom, dad, and Jonathan came in and I was overjoyed to see them. I was emotional from the anesthesia and the meds and started crying about people who have it way worse off than I do, who have to live with this kind of pain all the time, and wondering how the HELL they keep their will to live with such constant pain and difficulty.

Shoutout to those people. For real. My few days of pain are absolutely nothing next to what many chronically sick and/or terminally ill people face on the daily. Some of whom I know personally. You are true heroes.

Post-Surgery…

Anyway, to make a long story short… I could not move at all so nurses were sliding me from one bed to the next on a big blanket type thing, giving me pain meds through my IV, and eventually gave me my room for the night where J and I watched Atypical on Netflix all night and I tried to drink an Erewhon mint chip energizer smoothie but had zero appetite.

The pain meds did their job and I wasn’t in much terrible pain except for when I had to move. The weird thing is, after a fibroid surgery everything down there is numb because of a numbing shot they give you before the surgery. So even though I tried to pee when I got up to use the bathroom, I really couldn’t even do it if I tried. It was excruciatingly painful on top of that because of the catheter (anyone who has had one will definitely understand) and that uncomfortable feeling persisted for a few days.

The doctor said that walking would help, so Jonathan being my ever-evolving coach of sorts (you guys know he trained me for a marathon before we ever even dated) pushed me to walk down the hall that night, which was SO FREAKING HARD but it was so helpful to have him there cheering me along.

I slept really well that night and the next morning truly questioned how in the HELL I was going to leave the hospital that day but between a wheelchair and a very strong and patient fiancé I made it to my own bed.

FIBROID PICS BELOW… I mean can you believe it?!?!

Coming Home //

My appetite was zero for a few days, I slept and slept and slept and slept, rotated my pain meds, had an AMAZING reiki session with my angel human of a friend Kelsey Patel, and have slowly been able to move a bit more and walk around the block a few times now that it has been a full week.

I feel very lucky that my surgery went smoothly, there haven’t been any complications (yet!!! but there won’t be, not jinxing it) and I seem to be progressing rather quickly. The hardest part has been the severe, massive, crippling fatigue. I think it’s worse right now because I was already experiencing exhaustion with Lyme, and of course surgery is very taxing on the body. I have had trouble waking up before 11am and have been sleeping most afternoons and going to bed early.

I am grateful for the rest, that is for sure. I have also not checked my email ALL WEEK LONG and I can’t even tell you how good that feels. I am taking true down time, and I have had all of the Huddy snuggles in the world.

OH BY THE WAY… this just proves that a mother’s instinct blows any pain to shreds. Huddy needed to go to the animal hospital last night because we could tell he was in pain but didn’t know what was wrong, and it was hands down the most I have maneuvered since my surgery tenfold. We were there from 11:30pm until 3 in the morning, and we were carrying him all around and up and about. I NEVER could have done that even earlier that day, but something came over me and I powered through it. Anything for our fur babies / babies, right mamas? Literally anything.

He is okay now too, thank goodness. Playing and eating and happy as a clam!!! But on some meds like his mama.

Also also… my mom has been here taking care of me since the surgery and I do not know what I would do without her. She has gone out to get every meal for me, ran errands, cleaned, and just taken care of me. I would highly recommend anyone who gets this surgery have the support of SOMEONE around for the entirety of your post-surgery week or two weeks. Very necessary. <3 My mama is a hero!

Q & A //

These are addressing some of the great Q’s you guys asked me on Instagram throughout the week!

Q: What type of incision did you have? Laparoscopic? C section style lower abdomen?

I had a laparoscopic incision (x4) which means that they make tiny incisions on your lower abdomen and use a power morcellator to go in and cut the fibroid into pieces to remove it. This keeps you from having a large scar and removing the fibroid all at once. I wanted this way for many reasons but mostly because it is the least invasive with the easiest recovery. One downside is that IF a fibroid is cancerous and it is taken out in pieces, the cancer can spread. My doctor was confident that because of my age and my overall health we didn’t have to worry about that. Now I have four little incisions on the lower abdomen — even one over my belly button!

Q: Foods / supplements to help recover? Daily movement / exercises?

I am eating/drinking all of the anti inflammatory foods! I take a curcumin supplement which is extremely anti-inflammatory, and drinking lots of nutrient rich smoothies and green juices. I am having as many leafy greens, beta carotene and mineral rich fruits and veggies I can get. I didn’t have an appetite for several days at first so it was a little hard — smoothies and juices did the trick. Now I am also craving lots of healthy fats so I am incorporating nut butters, avocado, and coconut meat to name a few.

As far as exercise I am unable to work out for the next 4 weeks. I went on a walk around the block today which was a huge step! At first I was just walking around my apartment which helped me heal and kept me feeling somewhat active. I cannot WAIT to get back to yoga as soon as humanly possible!

Q: Did you do anything special to prep your body for surgery?

I stopped my Lyme supplements for about a week and a half leading up to the surgery, because many of them were blood thinning. Otherwise I just worked out because I knew I wouldn’t be able to for a while, ate a clean plant-based diet, did a lot of infrared sauna and cryo to detox the excess toxins, and listened to my doc by not eating or drinking anything for 12 hours pre-surgery!

Q: Did you experience a lot of anxiety?

Not until it was down to the wire. I was VERY calm ( strangely calm, my fam and the nurses will tell you!!! ) the whole time, but when I looked up right before I went under anesthesia and saw 12 doctors and nurses standing over me I did start to get a little freaked. Luckily the feeling passed quickly and then the surgery was over!

Q: After finding out you have a fibroid what are the next steps?

Usually your OBGYN will tell you whether they recommend removing it or just keeping an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t grow. If it is impairing your quality of life or may affect a future pregnancy (if you want to get pregnant), they will recommend removing it. I knew about mine for about 10 months before removing it but I have to say… knowing that you have a growing tumor inside of you and not doing anything about it feels pretty weird and not right. I am very, very happy to have it out.

Q: How do you keep fibroids from growing back?

The truth is, there is no guarantee they won’t come back. I will stay away from estrogen-enhancing foods / meds / supplements and work very hard on getting my hormones back in balance. I am also working on killing my Lyme and mold bacterias so my immune system is stronger and my body can go back to a state of homeostasis. I will get routine checkups with my OBGYN and if we see it growing back at all, at least it will be way smaller and I MAY be able to actually shrink it holistically if that is the case — mine was too large by the time I found out about it to be able to do that. And all in all… I will stay positive and HOPE FOR THE BEST.

Q: What were your reasons for opting for surgery?

I want to have babies in the next few years and did not want to deal with the challenges it presents for pregnancy. Also, general discomfort and pain. And I am convinced it was further messing with my hormones since it was just a dominant mass of estrogen right there on my uterus.

Ok !! I hope I answered your most pressing questions and gave some insight into the experience. Leave any other Q’s below and let me know your experiences too!! I love to hear how the surgery or similar surgeries went for other people. Lastly… if you haven’t seen an OBGYN in a while, I highly recommend it. I hadn’t seen one in a few YEARS and if he had not done an ultrasound I never would have known what I was dealing with. <3 So much love to you all!!

Salt-Oil-Sugar-Free Vegan Cheesy Potato TACOS!

Hi guys! Happy Thursday. I am so thrilled to share this recipe with you today. I am almost a week into recovering from the abdominal myomectomy (fibroid surgery) that I had last Friday, and being just about 90% on bed rest and only able to drink liquids I have been DREAMING all week about savory foods.

And specifically… juicy, flavorful, nourishing, bursting full of goods, plant based TACOS.

So yesterday when I woke up after an eleven hour sleep and found myself with enough energy to make my way to the kitchen, pop some potatoes in the oven, and throw these tacos together for lunch I was THRILLED. And they were freakin delectable.

Well, to be honest it didn’t go exactly that way. I woke up, groggily took some Ibuprofen, guzzled the superfood smoothie bowl I posted on IG yesterday, texted my mom and asked her to come over (she lives upstairs now, eek!! 50% of the time at least), gathered enough energy to walk to Alfred for a decaf with her, and felt completely overjoyed to be outside and feel the real sun on my skin. After being inside for almost a full week, it felt amazing.

I almost fell asleep on the Alfred patio (lol) so we walked back, laid on the roof for a while — we have a gorgeous rooftop on our new building, it is one of my favorite things about living here — and then I decided I was going to pull it together to make these tacos.

My Siete Foods family was kind enough to send us these grain-free tortillas as a housewarming gift (not sponsored, just all the realness for one of my very fave brands) and while Jonathan has easily downed 95% of them, he was kind enough to leave a few stragglers behind in hopes that I might be hungry / awake enough for solid food sometime this week.

And when I say “solid food” I mean… I have been on so many pain pills and my abdomen has been in such a state of acute pain that all I have really been able to eat/drink are smoothies and açaí bowls. But like I said, my body was really starting to crave some serious savory goodness.

For a salt-oil-sugar-free vegan, potatoes are a literal godsend. They are satiating, nutritious, dense, easy to prepare and store, super affordable, and extremely versatile. I find myself using them in everything these days from French fries to salad toppings to baked and loaded with avocado and other veggies to the using them as the key ingredient in creamy dips to now a TACO FILLING!

This recipe is FULL OF PLANTS. Veggies, carrots, cabbage, avocado, tomato, legumes, cilantro (if you have any — I didn’t but it would make the best addition) and anything else you wanna add to your tacos to make them your own!

Ready?! Let’s dive in.

SOS-Free Vegan POTATO Tacos

Serves 2-3 people (or 1 person + lots of leftovers!)

Ingredients //

For the Tacos:

3-4 medium sized organic Russet or Yukon potatoes (1 will be for the cheese sauce, the other 2-3 will be for taco filling)

2 cups shredded cabbage

1 large avocado

1 can salt-free Pinto beans, or black beans, or low sodium refried beans (I use these)

1 package Siete tortillas (I used the cashew flour, but any will do!) or tortilla of your choice

1/2 cup diced tomatoes (optional)

1/4 cup diced cilantro (optional)

Drizzles of turmeric & paprika (optional)

For the “Cheese”:

1 medium sized potato (boiled or steamed) **mentioned above

2 large carrots (boiled or steamed)

1/4 cup raw soaked cashews

2 tbsp nutritional yeast (I use this brand)

1/4 cup water (add more if having trouble blending)

1 tbsp tahini (optional, I add it for creaminess & taste)

1 tsp garlic powder

3 tbsp lemon juice

1 tsp turmeric

Method //

+ Bake the potatoes in the oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes or until nice and soft inside. Poke holes in the potato with a fork to give it some good ventilation for better cooking!

+ While those are baking, boil a pot of water on the stovetop and add in one potato and 2 large carrots. Boil until soft, and then transfer to a high-speed blender.

+ Along with the boiled carrots and potato, add water and the rest of the “cheese” ingredients. Blend until smooth. You may need to pause a few times to make sure the larger items are being pushed down to the blade. Add more water as needed.

+ Set the cheese mixture aside, and prep the veggies and beans for the tacos. Dice the avocado, cabbage, and cilantro and open the can of beans (and drain them). Put them all in little bowls if you prefer, or if you’re just cooking for yourself you can leave them out on the cutting board like I do.

+ Once the potatoes are baked, take them out and chop them up into little wedges. Add turmeric and paprika or any spices of your choosing.

+ Finally, put the tortilla on a skillet (no grease or oil needed unless you prefer it) and let it lightly brown on both sides (about 25 seconds each side). Take it out, and layer the cheese sauce, avocado, beans, veggies of your choosing, and potatoes right on top! Fold it up or eat it nice and open-faced. Both are delicious!

+ If you are a salsa person, adding some salsa or hot sauce is another great addition. As you can see in my photos I didn’t have cilantro, cabbage, or tomatoes (I was low in the fridge, yo) so I worked with what I had. It’s a beautifully simple meal and SO tasty and nourishing.

I love the SOS-free plant-based life because I am back to eating tacos, pizza, “nachos,” all the foods I loved as a kid but totally oil-free, salt-free, and sugar-free. Oh, and plant-based. I love the way it all tastes and I have so much fun in the kitchen.

Cannot wait to hear what you guys think if you make these! Hashtag #tbbmademedoit and tag me on your instas if you try!!

PS, I truly think the cheese sauce makes it. SOOO gooey and delicious.

Thoughts?! Other SOS-free recipe requests?! Hit me!

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A 10-year-old fell face-first from a treehouse — and landed on a metal meat skewer

Xavier Cunningham was trying to escape yellow jackets when he fell from a treehouse — onto a metal meat skewer, his stepfather said.

What I Eat in a Day || Intuitively Plant-Based & SOS-Free

Hi guys! Welcome back to the September Series on the blog where I am sharing blog posts every week day during the month of September… however, I am feeling this consistency may extend beyond September because I am really enjoying being more active on the blog again. Thoughts?

Also… fun idea! If you are subscribed to the blog and getting the emails straight to your inbox, introduce yourself to me via email and say hi! It always makes it more real for me and fun to hear about you. Tell me: who you are, where you live, your age, your profession, and a FUN RANDOM FACT! And if you’re not subscribed but you want to be, you can do that here!

And another new fun happening of the moment… I am updating my YouTube again! My fabulous assistant Carlyn happens to be a BOMB video editor, so we uploaded this video last Thursday! Would love to know your thoughts + also suggestions & requests for YouTube! I am just getting back on my game so trying to remember to bring the vlog cam with me, etc. So we promise they’ll only get more and more detailed and fun to watch as time goes on!

ANYWAY! Let’s talk about what you came here for!

What I Eat In a Day //

This is probably the most frequently asked question I get on the blog and Instagram. I have been hesitant to share because there can be a lot of comparison out there and I don’t ever want you to feel like you need to eat what I eat in order to feel good and be healthy.

If there is anything I have learned over the years, it is that all of us require a totally different combo of nutrients in order to feel our BEST and feel satiated — it depends so much upon our lifestyle, activity level, overall health quality ( I am sick so I fall into a diff category than most ), genetics, metabolism, and more.

But regardless, if you’re here you probably already know that and just want me to get to the point. I just want to make it clear that this is how I eat right now, and how I eat is always changing and fluctuating! Sometimes I am all raw and other times I can’t stand raw and I am all about cooked foods. I will do a YouTube video on this too so that you have a visual.

A few things I want you to know before we get into it also:

+ my Lyme treatments make me feel very nauseous so I haven’t had much of an appetite these days — I eat snacks throughout the day to make sure I am getting enough nutrients and protein in my bod

+ I am in a place of acute sickness which requires LOTS OF EXTRA veggies, supplements, nutrients, superfoods, and minerals. Don’t feel like you need to run out and spend $92389283 on superfoods just to be on my level — this is out of a place of necessity right now!

So… let’s get to it!

BREAKFAST //

My usual breakfast is a green smoothie, all the way. I am 100% about it. It is such a great way to get an abundance of nutrients, superfoods, protein, and vitamins and minerals but also easy on the stomach first thing in the A.M. for those of us ( like me ), who don’t feel “hungry” until later in the day.

For many years I actually skipped breakfast in favor of a Bulletproof coffee & the intermittent fasting lifestyle, but for my adrenals and my particular hormones and overall health right now, that was really not working for me anymore. It was taxing my adrenals and raising my cortisol and messing things UP!! So now I eat breakfast even when I don’t feel particularly hungry for it and it has been very good for my hormone health and anxiety levels.

My go-to green smoothie //

1-2 large overripe bananas (YES I am into ripe bananas! Some people will tell you they are full of sugar and you should eat them when they are more green because then they are a resistant starch, but I much prefer them to be sweeter and they are easier on my personal digestion when they are really ripe)

1-2 large handfuls of organic kale or organic spinach

1/2 cup blueberries

1 tbsp spirulina (amazing for killing bacteria & detoxing heavy metals in the body)

1 tbsp chlorella

1 tbsp maca

1/4 cup cilantro (works hand in hand with the chlorella and spirulina to detox heavy metals in the body and other gunk)

1 tbsp cacao (I love chocolate, I am a chocolate freak!)

1 cup homemade almond milk

1 tbsp almond butter (for those healthy fats!)

1/2 cup ice

BLEND!

Sometimes I even make it a smoothie bowl

My reasoning for all of the superfoods is that I am currently in a very sick body, and I need ALLLL of the superfoods and extra nutrients / vitamins / minerals that I can get. Spirulina, chlorella, and cilantro work wonders for detoxing the body. Bananas, blueberries, and leafy greens are full of vital nutrients and vitamins that my body needs right now to fight disease.

I also do CELERY JUICE which you can read all about in the Medical Medium, which I usually have first thing in the morning before I have my smoothie or anything else. I juice 1 large stalk of celery in my juicer or when I am not feeling up to juicing myself, I walk down the street to Whole Foods! Always make sure to use organic if you are juicing celery, and clean it thoroughly: it can be a goldmine for bugs and parasites!

THEN I have either an organic decaf coffee, a chaga latte (using my Four Sigmatic mushroom blends), an iced cold brew with homemade nut milk (if I am feeling like my adrenals and hormones can handle real coffee, which is something I try to have less than 50% of the time for hormone balance + alkalinity reasons), or just lots more water!

I also take a ton of supplements in the morning that are prescribed by my Lyme doctor. Currently I take a thyroid supplement, a Pregnenlone supplement (hormone regulation), use a testosterone cream, and take about 30 Lyme + parasite killing herbal supps! Because of all of these supplements it is very important for me to eat breakfast, which is another reason I no longer intermittent fast.

LUNCH //

Since my breakfast is usually full of greens, from my morning smoothie to the celery juice, I sometimes feel like continuing down the green veggie train or having something a little more starch based.

Currently I have been loving either having a second smoothie of the day, where I try to switch up the greens (for instance I will use something like arugula, romaine, or a diff type of lettuce than I used in my morning smoothie) and add a different type of fat like avocado or coconut meat instead of the almond butter and almond milk. I often have lunch when I am out and about, so I will get a smoothie like this at Erewhon or Whole Foods on the way to a doctor’s appointment most days! ( I am usually at the doctor’s office getting treatment 3 days a week right now. )

If I have a second smoothie I make sure it has some kind of superfoods in it: either maca, spirulina, bee pollen, moringa, chlorella, clean plant protein (right now I am loving SILVER FERN for plant protein), or all of the above.

Other times I am more in the mood for roasted veggies so I will do a combo of roasted potatoes ( I AM VERY into white potatoes right now, which you can also read all about the benefits of in the Medical Medium !!!), broccoli, squash, and cauliflower with something like my plant based nacho cheese dip! Sometimes also with black beans, like below! Yummmm.

Other times it will be a huge kale salad with salt-free pinto beans, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sliced figs (or any yummy seasonal fruit), dates, avocado, and a lemon-tahini dressing that I make simply with JUST tahini, lemon, and a bit of water!

The salad I live for…!

SNACKS //

Throughout the day I almost always have a large carrot juice, either juiced myself or from a local juice bar or Whole Foods. I usually add in a lot of ginger for anti-inflammatory purposes and other incredible health benefits!! Other times I will have a large green juice with all the goods and lots of ginger also.

Another go-to snack of mine is a plant-based protein bar. I am loving the “No Junk” bars that I just pick up at Whole Foods and I also love RXBars. RXBars are not vegan but if you’re okay with some egg whites in your diet I think they’re delicious, full of nutrients, and always hit the spot.

Lastly… I am known for always having homemade SOS-free granola, salt-free cashews and almonds in my bag!!

DINNER //

Usually by the end of the day lately I am EXHAUSTED and very, very depleted of energy. This is largely in part to Lyme and the treatments I do every week. So I am all about the QUICK & EASY dinners.

I either meal prep veggies, where I will roast them (usually squash, broccoli, cauliflower, and sliced potatoes) at 400 degrees for 45 mins to an hour with paprika, thyme, and lemon juice. I do this in big batches and keep them in Tupperware for the week, and then I eat them with my nacho cheese dip, some white rice (if my stomach is tolerating grains on that particular day / week), legumes, or a big pile of steamed greens!

If I am not having my roasted veggies which are truly my GO-TO, I will also frequently bake a potato ( either white potato or sweet potato) and stuff it with mashed avocado, black or pinto beans, lemon juice, and baked tempeh.

To bake my tempeh I just buy the brand Light Life at Whole Foods or Erewhon, shop it into really thin slices, and bake it at 450 degrees for about 20 mins (watch so it doesn’t burn) and spice it with turmeric and paprika! SO yummy! It also makes a great salad topping and has tons of protein in it, if you can handle what it is made with (fermented soy and grains — make sure you’re always buying non-GMO if you eat soy).

TEMPEH!

And if I am not having any of the above, I will resort to a delish packed kale salad very similar to the one I described above that I sometimes have for lunch.

I ALMOST ALWAYS finish my day with chocolate! I am a huge, huge fan of Addictive Wellness chocolate because it’s completely sugar-free and full of superfoods and vital herbs and polyphenols. You can listen to the founders on last week’s TBB Podcast episode, and use the code BLONDE on their website for 10%!

I also love finishing the day with a steamed cup of almond milk or coconut milk with lots of Four Sigmatic’s Mushroom Hot Cacao in it. Use code BLONDE for a discount there as well… I truly live for that stuff.

Oh heyyy mushroom hot cacao!

Since the way I eat is totally intuitive ( which you can read more about here ) I really do switch it up every day. This is a typical day of meals but it is always changing. The one constant is that it’s always intuitive, plant-based ( for now ), and full of nutrients / superfoods / supplements / veggies. If my body is feeling EXTRA sick and rundown, I stick to liquids like juice and smoothies for a few days.

Would love your thoughts! How do you eat? Do you like intuitive, smoothies, lots of greens, lots of meat?! Tell me!

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My Current Go-To Mantra & How to Create Your Own!

I received THEEE absolute best text message from my favorite medium in all the land (and one of my very most favorite humans) MaryAnn DiMarco the other day, and it went a little something like this:

“You are the seeker. The powerful steel winged butterfly that creates and transforms and maneuvers through every blustery storm with force and a reckoning so strong that anything in your path who tries to stop you will wilt and crumble as you pass through it. Be that force in your minds eye. See that storm! stare at it deeply! and with a wink and a flutter of your wings you will smile.. broadly and triumphantly, because you know… you are have the strength and the power. You are destined to do all that you desire to achieve. And nothing, nothing at all can stop you.”

She received that message for me in a meditation and it floored me, you guys. It floored me for so many reasons.

For one, it’s always so cool when an intuitive person you know who you truly and legitimately trust gets a message for you from above.

For two, it resonated so deeply because these words are exactly what I have needed to hear lately. I feel like there has been a STORM brewing in my life from every angle. With my health especially, but also with so many changes happening at once (mostly all good ones!) and an overall difficulty I have been having pushing myself to start what I REALLY want to do.

So, here is the mantra I have crafted for myself based off of this amazing message from MaryAnn & my guides:

NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING MY DREAMS AND SATIATING MY DESIRES. I AM LIMITLESS, AND I AM CREATING IN THE FLOW EVERY DAY.

Nothing! Literally nothing, nothing at all can stop me.

And nothing at all can stop you either.

By the way… my greatest desire and dream right now is to transcribe my process with Lyme into a book, and write a new memoir. This was my first memoir, and SO MUCH has changed since that time in my life. But writing it was one of the coolest things I have ever done, especially because I have dreamt since I was a little girl about being an author above all else.

Other dreams and desires I want to manifest and bring to life? Writing more fiction (novels!!), poetry, and more and more books. I really just want to be a book writer, and the truth is: I AM a book writer. I just am not working at it right now, because of a) being busy with other things, and b) FEAR.

So I am working HARD to rid myself of fear. We all have to do it. We all experience it. We’ve got to SHED those layers.

Simple Steps for Creating Your Own Mantra //

Ask yourself these questions…

+ What in your life do you DESIRE most?

+ What in your life do you feel is holding you back from manifesting those desires & bringing them to life?

+ What is your greatest gift?

+ Who is someone you admire, and what do you admire about them?

+ What is one simple action you can do every day to help you work towards what you desire?

I know these questions all sound very simple. Because they are! But how often do we stop, draw inward, and really get to the bottom of these core questions. Knowing what it is that we desire is key when it comes to creating a daily mantra. It can be as simple as cultivating inner peace, and as specific as WRITING A BOOK or HAVING A BABY or MEETING YOUR SOUL MATE.

Also, remembering your greatest gifts, the things that come naturally to you, can help you create your own mantra. If you are very good at being patient, or bringing friends together, or making shit happen, write it down! Add it into your mantra!

A mantra should always be affirmative, so for example “I am” vs. “I want to be.”

It can be as short as two words and as long as a full paragraph!! The more simple, the better. As you can see with mine, it reflects my deepest desire (to write a book) without exactly stating that — because I am open to being in the flow and creating whatever it is that wants to come through me! The healing part to me is that NOTHING is holding me back. Those words really hit home for me.

Okay, time to try to create your own!! Would love to hear yours!! Share them by commenting below or sending to me in an email response to this one. Are you subscribed to the bloggy? Subscribe here if you haven’t yet to get these blog posts straight to your email inbox, every day of September!

Side note… I am having fibroid surgery today!! Send me all of the good vibes — will check in with you guys ASAP and I can’t wait to tell you how it all goes.

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The Doctors Visit From HELL !!

This post is rather hard for me to write but if I experienced this just last week ( and have many times in my life ) then I know there have got to be tons of you out there experiencing something similar.

So I will do the only thing I know how to do… talk about it in hopes to help someone out there who may be in the same position!

Many of you know that in June I was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease, toxic mold poisoning, MCAS, parasites, severe hormone imbalances, and a handful of other health concerns. All of these are very serious, but to me Lyme disease has been the real kicker because of all of the complications that come along with it — including the 8 co-infections or “Lyme cousins” that I have developed from it.

ANYWAY, I am having a fibroid removal surgery on Friday (yes, tomorrow!) to remove the GRAPEFRUIT SIZED mass that has grown on my uterus due to Lyme & co-infections (and other hormonal issues) — and because of that surgery I have had to see many, many doctors that I wouldn’t normally see in order to get cleared for this pretty major procedure.

My general practitioner is in Sacramento, because I really haven’t had a reason to see a regular MD in the last several years. My medical team in LA consists of my functional medicine doctor, my Lyme specialist, my OBGYN, and various healers and Ayurvedic practitioners. Keep in mind… the first three I listed are MD’s!

But alas, even the wonderful MD’s that I see on the regular are not the types of doctors that I needed to see in order to get fully cleared for this surgery. I did have to get cleared from my Lyme doctor, which was a given because she knows that having a large fibroid is causing me tons of extra health complications and that it’s gotta go.

But in order to get fully cleared, I also had to see an internist from UCLA (otherwise known as a general practitioner / MD) to have a physical and also get an MRI to make sure there weren’t additional masses or issues to address during the surgery.

Here in lies my story…

Before I found my Functional Medicine Doctor and my life-saving Lyme doctor and her team, I found it incredibly difficult to find a good doctor in LA. When I was suffering from head to toe hives and eczema earlier this year, I saw a handful of urgent care doctors who were just bleh & a dermatologist who was so NOT-THOROUGH with his job that it was legitimately scarring.

Not to mention the last decade and a half of trying to get answers for my health problems from doctor after doctor with absolutely no avail, but we will save that for another day.

The Doctor’s Visit From HELL //

SO! Last week, the day finally came to go to my appointment with the MD from UCLA. My mom found him for me because with the constant brain fog I experience from Lyme, searching through UCLA’s system of thousands & thousands of doctors who may or may not be available before my surgery sounded like a very tedious task.

She found him, we booked it, the appointment came. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it, as I feel very well taken care of by my Lyme doctor and it is always an absolute marathon and a half to share my turbulent medical history and recent diagnoses with yet another new-to-me doctor, but I went into it with a positive attitude (as I try to do with everything).

But from the moment I arrived, everything was off.

I will let it slide that I waited for an hour (!!!) in the waiting room, because I guess that’s how it goes in the medical system these days but that was frustrating point number one. Yet like I said, no big deal if the doctor was going to be great and the experience was going to be painless overall.

The nurse took my vitals and I felt like telling her, “Don’t worry, my vitals are fine and I happen to know this because I spend 2-3 full days a week in my doctor’s office receiving Lyme treatments, often hooked up to an EKG.” But I didn’t, I let her do her job.

Then, a while later, in came the doctor. He was a younger looking guy, very similar to the UCLA dermatologist I had seen, but at first I took that as a good sign!! Okay, young, cool, maybe that means you’re up to date with the Lyme epidemic and other issues of mine!

But no.

We started going through my chart, and when I told him that I had Lyme disease by way of explaining the 35+ herbal supplements that I am currently on, his response was:

“Oh, really?” *smirk smirk smirk as if to suggest I definitely don’t have this disease* “I’ve never met anyone with Lymes disease. What exactly are your symptoms?”

For one, he’d called it Lymes. Plural. That is a personal pet peeve of mine in general because its incorrect (Lyme is named after Lyme, Connecticut, the town in which it was first reported) but also…. this was a medical doctor speaking to me! Someone who should maybe know a thing or two about Lyme? One of the fastest growing epidemics in our country?

Anyway though I was very willing to chat with him and was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt… so still, no big. Cool it, Jordan.

I told him my symptoms: “Full body rashes, chronic debilitating exhaustion, brain fog, joint pain, body aches, hormone imbalances… hence the fibroid.” And then I told him even more just to give him a little heads up about what Lyme is like and how everyone experiences it quite differently.

His next response: “Well, you can’t get Lymes on the West Coast. So SURELY you’ve spent a great deal of time on the East Coast???”

So of course I told him, “Why yes, I lived in New York for a year and spent a lot of time in the Hamptons and Upstate.” Although in my head I was thinking: You can get Lyme anywhere, dude. It’s a rampant problem right here in Los Angeles.

Then he said, “Well, if you have LYMES, then I guess you should have been given an antibiotic and you’d be better by now, so that shouldn’t be a concern.”

*OK RAGE THROUGH THE ROOF IS STARTING TO ENSUE*

I calmly tried to tell him that there is not an antibiotic that cures Lyme, especially not for someone who has likely had it for many years. He decided to drop this point because he was bored and didn’t like not knowing anything about this disease.

So we moved on to the next subject.

“Well then Jordan, what other complications do you have from LYMES?”

“Well unfortunately I also suffer from mold poisoning due to my weakened immune system from Lyme,” I told him.

“Mold poisoning?” – Him

“Yes…. mycotoxin illness?” – Me, confused as to why I am now having to use the medical term for mold poisoning, talking to a doctor.

“Interesting,” *smirk smirk smirk smirk* “I’ve never heard of it.”

By now I was just over it. I was filled with anger of course, but not even for me (well okay yes for me but for so much more than just me). For the hundreds of thousands or rather millions of people who are wronged by the medical system every year — by doctors like this one who are fresh out of medical school but somehow completely uneducated about various issues that are becoming a HUGE problem in our toxic world.

And this is not to say that I don’t respect the medical system. I have dear friends and family members who have gone through the intense & profound process of receiving a medical school education and they are doing fabulous things for the world: surgery, anesthesia, vaccinations, pediatrics! But I seriously believe that something in this system has to change… doctors should not be graduating from medical school and treating patients with absolutely no knowledge of the symptoms of Lyme disease or the possible co-infections.

So of course my response to him was: “You’ve….. never heard of people getting sick from mold? Black mold poisoning? It is a very common issue for people with Lyme, but also just for people in general.”

I didn’t even go into the MTFHR gene or the other multi-susceptibility genes that make mold illness absolutely debilitating and life threatening for many people.

“Yeah, well I’ve never met or treated anyone with Lymes. We live in California.” – he reiterated.

From there on out I had given up on this guy. Of course I wanted to get cleared for my surgery, which was what I came for, but that was it. I didn’t feel he was even remotely adequate enough to clear me for this surgery, given that he was 100% unfamiliar with every single one of my health concerns, but I had already been cleared by my Lyme doctor so I just needed his sign off.

He proceeded to also have no idea about…

+ testosterone cream, another thing I have to take for my “broken” hormones due to Lyme (he proceeded to insist that testosterone CREAM does not exist so I just went with it to assuage his ego)

+ curcumin, which is the most anti-inflammatory component in turmeric. I will let that one go but honestly as a doctor, get with it!

+ MCAS, which I really avoided telling him about to be honest but he was very confused about what I was saying in regards to my histamine levels being off the charts so I had to explain it in the end

+ blogging as a career, LOL but really that one does not bother me but it was icing on the cake with this guy!

SO THERE YA HAVE IT YOU GUYS, my doctor’s appointment from hell!

It breaks my heart that Lyme disease, with over 300,000 diagnoses each YEAR (so imagine all the people going undiagnosed), which brings it to being a larger epidemic that AIDS ever was, is SO largely misunderstood and even neglected by large parts of the medical community.

UCLA is a teaching hospital! A research hospital! A top hospital in the world! Excuse my language but why in the actual f*ck is this doctor allowed to do his job with such little knowledge about these health concerns? I understand that Lyme is perhaps not prevalent enough for most doctors to become experts in, but a brief education about *what it’s called* and what the SYMPTOMS are would be nice… ya know, so people can get diagnosed if they have it?

It was a very sore subject for me because I spent so many years seeing SO many different doctors to try to figure out what was wrong with my health. Time and time and time again, I was given no answers.

As a young child I was given endoscopies and colonoscopies only to be told that my entire body was clean as a whistle — no disease, no ulcers, no issues.

I spent MANY years that I will never get back being extremely ill, with no one to believe me except for my own family who saw the pain I was in every day.

I will continue to write and share about this, because the people suffering from Lyme disease, mold, and other co-infections, and ALL other hard to treat and diagnose diseases deserve SO. MUCH. BETTER.

If you suspect that you have any symptoms that could be Lyme or even mold poisoning or MCAS, find a Lyme Literate MD (LLMD) and get tested! And if you too have horror stories with doctors, share them below. <3 You are not alone — you never were, and you never are.

Thank you so much for listening my loves & send me good vibes for my surgery tomorrow! I will be updating you like crazy, and we will even be documenting for YouTube — so subscribe if you haven’t yet!! XO

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop touted ‘benefits’ of putting a jade egg in your vagina. Now it must pay.

Paltrow's "lifestyle brand" must pay $145,000 in penalties as part of the settlement.

Intuitively Plant Based vs. Vegan

Hi lovers & welcome back to Day 3 of the SEPTEMBER SERIES on TBB! Where I am blogging every weekday of the month to get back in my blogging routine & bring you topics you’ve asked me to address and share more about.

And let’s be real… no matter how hard I try to switch it up, the blog will always be my online diary. So amidst addressing your topics, sharing recipes and tips, etc. I will always just be blogging from the heart! That is what this blog has always been about.

Today I am writing about a topic that has been tugging on my heartstrings to address for a while… the intuitively plant-based lifestyle I have been following since January of this year.

I have been getting so many ( very VALID! ) questions from you guys about where the whole intuitively plant-based thing came from on my end. I very publicly went through a “breakup” with veganism, if you will, which you can read all about HERE if you haven’t, and also HERE ( the whoooole story & shebang! ) in my book.

After that public breakup, I see how it could seem a little confusing from your point of view to see me go back to a largely vegan diet. I want to share this post to break down the walls between us & try as best as I can to share where I am coming from… because if you had been with me for the whole journey ( which you kinda have if you’ve been reading the whole time, but I mean like REALLY with me every day / seeing the ins & outs of my health decline ) then it wouldn’t seem out of nowhere in the least.

I don’t really mind what anyone thinks of the switch I have made. I learned a long time ago that when you share your life on the Internet, an onslaught of opinions about your every single move will be made and shared with you ( often lashed out, but also often shared with grace and compassion ). The only thing I care about is expressing myself & sharing with you where I am coming from so it can hopefully help you find more clarity & wellness in your own life!

So let’s see here… without backing up TOO far, let me walk you back to last December when J & I spent two weeks in Bali.

My health was already a mess, but it got REAL BAD in Bali…

While that trip was epically fun, and our first huge trip together as a couple, to the most magical healing oasis of all time… it was also INCREDIBLY hard on my body and my health. It was the first time I had taken myself out of my day to day routine for that long, and while we were traveling it hit me hard that I WAS NOT WELL.

I felt very off. Nauseated, inflamed, bloated (massive understatement), puffy, ITCHY (head to toe rashes), out of whack hormones, emotional / moody, in pain with migraines and joint aches, VERY fatigued and lethargic, ten times my age (just no energy or zest whatsoever), horrible acne, scatter brained, and desperate for a change. All of this pain and sickness was also making me DEPRESSED, which is a terrible addition to the rest of it.

Jonathan was a trooper. He saw how happy the lifestyle & pace of Bali was making me, so he encouraged me to book a solo trip for April so that I could give myself space and time to HEAL.

Bali nights with my number one support system. Feeling like crap but very much in love… with him and the gorgeous oasis of Indonesia.

At the time we didn’t even know what I needed to heal from, but it was clear that healing needed to happen. I was not myself at all, whatsoever, not even close. At Nihiwatu, the most beautiful hotel in the WORLD on the island of Sumba outside of Bali, I sobbed and laid in bed with the worst migraine I have ever had in my life… spent an entire day inside after a morning hike + breakfast overlooking the ocean that should have been the most glorious / luxurious /enjoyable view I have ever experienced in my entire lifetime.

Instead, I was a mess. I had NO idea what I could eat / could not eat. I was paralyzed with pain and fear that what I put into my mouth would make my symptoms 100x worse. I was afraid to eat anything other than water or coffee, literally, because food was such a gamble. I was also trying to play the game of “I’m on vacation, I should be indulging!!” by eating the yummy gluten-free toast, eggs, bacon, desserts, etc. that Jonathan was eating with ease.

Every day culminated with me saying, “You have to help me,” to him. “You have to help me make sure I never eat eggs or gluten-free grains again. I can’t eat sugar. I don’t even think I should be drinking coffee. I am so f*cked up.”

“Make me take more magnesium at night. Make sure I am drinking 10x as much water as I am now. I need to find a doctor that can help me. I should have brought my digestive enzymes with me. I think my hormones are really, really, really bad from this IUD.”

( I had an IUD in for about 5 weeks before I got it removed — NOT a good idea to ever get it put in, in the first place. At least for my body and what I was already dealing with. )

In Bali, I was asked if I was pregnant at least three times. It was AWFUL. Here I am, being ridiculously careful about what I eat, working out every day, flaunting my cute new swim suits & resort wear, feeling sick as all hell but trying to keep a smile on my face and live in the moment, treating my boyfriend to a Balinese massage, and being asked post-massage by the spa owner if I am PREGNANT. What the f*ck?

Needless to say, I came back to the U.S. with a lot of questions, a lot of defeat, a lot of misery, and a whole new perspective of HEALTH and what I needed to do to get well.

Some initial takeaways from Bali…

In Bali I was able to get some perspective I very much needed about my life. I realized a few things: I was stressed BEYOND belief in my every day life, I had gut issues and some other health issues that were becoming absolutely debilitating, I NEEDED to get my IUD out, and my body was ridiculously intolerant to eggs, grains (even gluten-free), coffee, fish, and sugar.

So what did I do? Just about the only things I had control of: stop eating all of the above foods, and get the IUD taken out.

Since I already didn’t eat much red meat or pork, these new food eliminations brought me to a mostly vegan diet, which honestly… in my GUT OF ALL GUTS and CORE OF ALL CORES… seemed like the best freaking move of all time.

To be totally honest with you guys, I MISSED veganism. I missed it so, so, so much. I didn’t miss the labeling or the eating disorder I once had or the restriction I experienced when I used food to control my life, but I missed the healing properties of plants and the simplicity of a plant-based diet. I missed how GOOD I felt once upon a time eating that way. I missed the pride I had in myself for making those positive choices and sticking to them, and I missed how much fun I had in the kitchen creating plant-based meals and making them taste good.

In short, I knew in my heart that veganism was calling me home.

This is what my face looked like around that time. Very inflamed. Very out of sorts. Crawling with mold and Lyme bacteria.

And I don’t mean that in a dramatic, I’m going to live be a label again kind of way. I just mean it in a… I was born for simplicity kind of way. I was not born with an iron stomach that can handle a whole lot of meaty, protein-rich, or even remotely processed or acidic foods. I was born with a sensitive stomach and system that has been my greatest blessing (it brought me to my passion for wellness) and my greatest “curse” for how much pain and turmoil it has brought.

Just imagine for a second how AWFUL I felt in Bali. I was legitimately 20 pounds over my comfortable weight, and for no good reason at all. I was living my life yes, but I was not eating unhealthy foods or overeating in any way. I was exercising and doing everything in my power to feel like me again, and it just wasn’t happening.

I wish I had more photos from that time, but I honestly deleted a lot of them because I was so disheartened by how I felt. I am going to try to dig some more up, but here is a highlight from the trip — when we serendipitously ran into our friends Britt, Tara, EVEREST, and Emily at a vegan cafe in Ubud!!

The Next Steps…

Since I knew I wanted to return to plant-based eating for healing but didn’t want to confine myself with the label that once triggered me to eliminate TOO MANY FOODS… I knew that intuitively plant-based just felt right.

In short, I made the term up. I am sure other people have used it, but the way in which I am using it came straight from my head. Intuitive means to eat straight from the intuition — listening to your own body, honoring its cues, treating it with kindness and loving choices and staying in the moderate lane vs. the extreme lane.

Being intuitively plant-based, I know that if plant-based no longer feels INTUITIVE to me, I will incorporate other foods.

Crazy enough, looking back on that post-Bali feeling and the desire to go plant-based again, I was so on target. I didn’t know at the time that my histamine levels were OFF the charts, causing severe inflammation and hormone imbalances. I had NO testosterone, NO pregnenolone, and a totally sluggish / not working thyroid. I also had Lyme disease, mold poisoning, babesia, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, MCAS, gut dysbiosis, a fibroid the size of a grapefruit, and MORE.

I look back and realize, my intuition was more on point than I could have even imagined or desired it to be! My intuition knew what I needed before I did.

Cutting out grains, eggs, fish, coffee, and other non-vegan foods definitely helped by inflammation go down quite a bit. But I still struggled to get better or feel even halfway decent until I did the water fast and found the salt-oil-sugar-free plant-based lifestyle in June.

And because of my illnesses and the severity of them, I STILL struggle to feel well, but I know that being plant-based helps me immensely. It is anti-inflammatory and because of the nutrients and vitalism and minerals in plant-based it is profoundly healing. It supports my healing from disease as well as my hormonal imbalances and digestion issues.

I have lost a solid 15 pounds which is always an indicator to me that at least SOMETHING is working right inside my body. To be real with you, I still feel like I am holding on to excess inflammation and body weight because my body is struggling so, so deeply to find its balance… but I am not so concerned about that from an outer perspective. I am concerned about what that means for my insides, and I am so, so looking forward to getting my thyroid / testosterone / pregnenolone / iron back in balance and killing the toxins and bacteria in my body to find that balance!

So as you can see, finding the plant-based lifestyle again was a windy road. Four years passed between my last time being vegan and then going the plant-based route again. It is HARD for me not to use the term “vegan” because I identify with so many parts of it… the cruelty-free movement, the benefits for the environment, the health benefits, all of it. But I try hard not to use that term because of everything else it entails — the hardcore “cult ish” parts of it, the judgmental parts, and the UNSWAYING rigidity of it. And by that rigidity I mean that if I call myself a vegan I may have more trouble incorporating non-vegan foods if I need them for my own personal health.

Currently I will occasionally use colostrum powder (from a cow) to deal my leaky gut, marine collagen from time to time for protein and skin / bone / joint health, and I have had some Surya Spa bread that has eggs in it. I am not MILITANT by any stretch of the imagination, and I never do want to be militant again!!

I think finding that in-between, moderate, healing, intuitive diet for YOU is what it’s all about. For me right now, that is intuitively plant-based. Not militant. Not even vegan. Just very plant-heavy and very, very in love with the benefits of plant foods and the passion they fill me with when I am eating and when I am in the kitchen.

A yummy plant-based dessert I found in Sedona! Go to CHOCOLATREE if you ever visit Sedona… so many veggie options and the best chocolate of all time. Probably not oil OR sugar free, but def refined sugar free! Sometimes you’ve just gotta live!

I also love plant foods! I don’t feel deprived at all. That is huge. The first time I was vegan, I did feel deprived. I eliminated so many foods and I had food fears within the vegan category that I didn’t touch. I was more of a juice cleanse addict than anything. This time I eat an abundance of foods… even legumes and plant proteins and tempeh! I am all about it. I have had fun playing around in the kitchen and I had grown so much in four years — I never again want to HARM my body by eliminating too many foods.

My focus is on healing. Getting my hormones back into balance and supporting my healing with vital nutrients and enzymes. Having a variety of foods in my diet and ENJOYING the ish out of what I eat and make. Salt oil sugar free makes it even more fun for me because a) I feel sick less of the time, and b) I get to cook at home way more than ever before because its easier than finding foods in a restaurant that support my goals.

I will share a lot more on this topic, but for now wanted to at LEAST address the question and let you know where I’m at with all of it! I am feeling amazing on the food front, and even though I have a long way to go with my healing in general… I feel very, very good about the intuitively plant-based life for ME at this stage.

Would love to hear your thoughts!! Do you eat intuitively? Have you tried the plant-based life, or are you more of a meat eater / vegetarian / paleo / non labeled?!?! I respect all of it!!!

Showing posts from September, 2018